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For a Hip-Hop head does my bars suck?



  • StewStew Rap Music Is My Religion HTTRPosts: 51,828 Regulator
    Me and my colleagues are here to help unsigned artist. Keep doing your thing msmusick!

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  • UPTOWNUPTOWN Posts: 13,009 Regulator
    to anyone who honestly thinks "keystyling" is a logical way to get your talent recognized, please retire from rap

    if you cant google, download free applications to record with, and then upload that audio to youtube or some other streaming site. you have no reason to pursue rap as an art or a business
    Niggas fear what they don't understand, hate what they can't conquer.....
    I Guess it's just the theory of man
  • King45King45 Posts: 95
    msmusick wrote: »
    "My raps are never diabolical
    But certainly phenominal'a
    mess around and have ya brain comin' out ya follicles
    Knowledge is astronomical
    Better cop ma module
    Genre war movie historical not a comical."

    I'm not a rapper, just my way of introducing myself to the IC

    Make your lines more even, not a bad attempt at rhyming.

    Every line needs to be it's own statement and must convey an idea.




    esco soprano
  • those lyrics are tight, but like many of said their not saying much, now if you can flow that well and got a smooth voice then theres no reason those bars cant make for an incredible track, but those bars is only a fraction of the picture, keep chasing this pursuit though my man!!
  • esco sopranoesco soprano Jersey bredPosts: 2,818 ✭✭✭✭✭
    msmusick wrote: »
    "My raps are never diabolical
    But certainly phenominal'a
    mess around and have ya brain comin' out ya follicles
    Knowledge is astronomical
    Better cop ma module
    Genre war movie historical not a comical."

    I'm not a rapper, just my way of introducing myself to the IC

    Nice vocabulary, but as earlier posters mentioned, you aren't saying anything. It's directionless and has no point other than a bunch of multi-syllabic words forced together. You should write something with a goal in mind rather than just rhyming words for the sake of rhymin words. That's called forcing it fam. Just my two pennies on the matter.

  • RickyRichRickyRich Posts: 12,720 ✭✭✭✭✭
    raprite wrote: »
    Here's something

    “Where did it all go wrong”

    Its tough when you’re on top, then you start your drop
    Imperfections, dirty spots, big cracks in the rock, find out
    You’re no longer the man on the block
    Cold slap in the face, don’t look so shocked
    We had it all, we had it cod locked
    Look at us now, what the hell’s going on
    Somebody please tell me where the fuck’d we go wrong

    Behaviors contagious, no matter how outrageous
    Like hating with rage, making slaves for your trade
    Putting weed smokers in cages, fucking rich getting ageless
    Aint there anyone out there to gauge this
    Aint there anyone there that can step up to the plate
    And save us
    Fuck I can’t tell you how bad that I hate this
    Someone please tell me what the fuck’s going on
    Someone please tell me where the fuck’d we go wrong

    Don’t make any sense
    We had it good for so long
    Somebody please tell me what’s going on
    Faith in a Nation that once was strong
    Somebody please tell me where it all went wrong

    Just a few years back, seemed we were on track
    Eastern Europe had began to crack, then just like that
    The Berlin wall came crashing down
    Commies seemed to be coming around
    Peace it seemed was the new kid in town
    Well we can’t have that, a small scale attack
    Then just like that, we’re back on track
    Fuck that peace, we’ll find a new home in the Middle East
    New place for fun for the fucking guns and the bombs
    Find a new place for our troops to call home
    Where homesick boys can write home to their Moms
    Won’t matter to much if they lose their legs and their arms
    Plenty more where they come from back home on the farm
    Can anyone please tell me what’s going on
    Somebody please, where the fuck’d we go wrong

    Greed has its needs and it feeds and it feeds
    Fulfills its hunger off of you and off me
    Give me fucking amnesty from this Goddamn

    Beast or I swear by God you’ll see someone bleed
    We’ve had it, who planted this fucking seed
    Somebody tell me what the hell’s going on
    Somebody tell me where the fuck we went wrong

    Seems this shit just gets worse and worse and worse
    Drive this whole administration to work in a hearse
    They grab your dick and they jerk and they jerk
    Circle of fucking jerks gone berserk
    Sit behind their desks and they lurk and they lurk
    Want your fucking pants your shoes and your shirt
    Want you to lose what they know you deserve
    Want you to choose what you know they don’t deserve
    Would someone tell me what the hell’s going on
    Can somebody tell me where the fuck we went wrong

    You don’t pass goal, you fucking go to jail
    Unless your part of this big business cartel
    Can’t borrow from a friend cause he’s just like you
    Government won’t take a fuckin IOU
    It’ Hooray for me and fuck you too
    Dumb ass should have went to business school
    Today’s for me and tomorrow is too
    Guess I’ll just wish you the best of luck fool
    Lucks all you get and you’ll need it too
    Cause it’s my job to fuck you and fuck you, fuck you
    Fuck you and fuck you, fuck you and fuck you
    Fuck you

    RapRite 2012

    ima take yo chit . thanks nkka
    The Real 2013 Reason Thread Creator of The Year!
    2014 Reason Thread Creator of The Year !
    2015 Reason Thread Creator of The year!

  • YakaYaka Posts: 306
    I like to hear lyrics on beats to really get the feel of what your saying and its better for you to spit it cuz we can read your work but won't say it how you wrote it so might not be as tight as its suppose to be

  • indyman87indyman87 Posts: 1,130 ✭✭✭✭
    msmusick wrote: »
    "My raps are never diabolical
    But certainly phenominal'a
    mess around and have ya brain comin' out ya follicles
    Knowledge is astronomical
    Better cop ma module
    Genre war movie historical not a comical."

    I'm not a rapper, just my way of introducing myself to the IC

    I thought it was nice.
  • alissowackalissowack Posts: 1,930 ✭✭✭
    I know a guy who could write some serious bars, but just couldn't spit it right when it's time to deliver.
    al-is-so-wack: Deplorable for hire.
  • KobiiiKobiii Posts: 4
    All you gotta do is find your flow over a beat, how you want to attack it, then write and mouth it to the beat. If it doesn't flow, it isn't gonna sound good. Some of this could flow if you just tinkered with it a bit. Find your niche bruh.
  • KobiiiKobiii Posts: 4
    @alissowack I can do both. Check it.

    Terrorist Threats Remix


    Had em drawn

    Burned to the ground

    then its shadow spawned 

    never bite the flow, but, that shit was on

    Seem ab-stract ideas gon’ free the pawns

    Chris cox cut some snakes when he mowed the lawn

    Turned around the same snakes told him move along

    blatant paradigms.. snakes won’t spare a life, or think twice ‘fore they take a bite

    out to conjure convicts just so they constrict their vice

    the number caught or shot dependent on the jailers price

    and my advice? telling you its time to splice, rise and chap’ron lies to light

    stand-up-and-fight _ you gonna live on your knees or die on your feet, 

    times up for copping pleas, asking please _

    all they ever do in return is scoff, cough, feed trough with dirty green

    sitting round with soul and smoke 30 G’s,

    fell asleep, then I woke up in a crazy dream

    mind still enlightened 'spite all the hazy trees

    trying to find a reason for it all I see is leaves

    Masked in a dense fog blowing with the breeze 

    they all start falling screaming SOMEONE HELP US PLEASE

    while the evergreens laugh cause they flourishing

    the blind leaves scream louder KOBY HELP US PLEASE

    use your mind, spread your message, you can set us free!

    I spit some bars, breathed life, and then I decreed

    The time was now, God give this forest peace

    The fog cleared up, all the pain and strife was ceased

    Old leaves fell slaves but new leaves grew free

    Spoken word after verses

    See it was all symbolic of the people we be

    trees victims of the weather ever at its mercy

    To their lives, the money, the dollars, the green, the king

    ruling over their lives, making slaves out of all of our minds

    The evergreen trees thrived the rest fight to survive

    then Koby arrived, contrived bars on his inner Kendrick,  soul and Jesus Christ 

    An everyday dog sparked a mindset that controlled the fog 

    No longer could the evergreens be playing God

    the ground had become equal, system without a flaw

    every tree can prosper, white or brown, fat or skinny short or tall

    see this is how God sees us, don’t let the devil deceive ya

    money nothing but paper,

    lift enlightened up and see the dollar meet its maker

    You welcome. Spread the word. iii

  • aweet77aweet77 Posts: 1
    Honestly its boring...say it in an interesting way that doesnt sound cat in the hat
  • msmusick wrote: »
    "My raps are never diabolical
    But certainly phenominal'a
    mess around and have ya brain comin' out ya follicles
    Knowledge is astronomical
    Better cop ma module
    Genre war movie historical not a comical."

    I'm not a rapper, just my way of introducing myself to the IC

    No your lyrical intraduction is fine. It has substance and deep meaning. Some people may have not been smart enough to understand what you said, so they'll say thing's such as you can't rap or you said a allot of nothing. I assure you that was not the case. Good job.
  • JT_HeckeNJT_HeckeN Posts: 3
    Something that I've learned from writing and rapping is that you can't always use whatever words you want all the time. For example you say, "Better cop ma module" which is gonna be really hard to spit especially if its got any speed to it. On the page it rhymes, but always make sure you test out the bars with your mouth first.
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