Seems like women dont keep it real with other women before marriage

pralims

all my wife freinds are divorced and only like two are still married.
they was all over last night and basically all said the same thing. that no one told them what to expect before getting married. they was saying how ppl made it sound so much like a fairytale and happily ever after but it was far from that. They didnt expect to have to compromise so much.
they didnt expect to have so much expected of them.
one chick said she didnt think she should have to use all her money paying bills when he could have got a part time job on top of his job because a man is supposed to make his wife comfortable..
Another chick...didnt think she should have to help raise kids that was not hers...and she should not be expected to look at them like they were hers
another chick said...her husband expected her to have anal sex...but she wasnt having it because it was nasty and unhealthy and your ass get stretched out and cant hold bowels...and all this dumb shit.

it was really sad to hear...

but the funny thing is ...most guys before they get married has every man in the world either warning them to not do it or to double and triple check and then sleep on it and double and triple check the next day before the get married.
I know i had total strangers telling me to make sure its what i want to do. but ladies get mad at this shit saying the guy is hating or he'll forever be lonely.

So ladies, why don't yall keep it real with ya girls?

pralims

ItsKatBitches wrote: »

I'm not going to lie, being in a relationship is one of the hardest, most emotionally exhausting things I've ever done, but it's also really rewarding at the same time.

Keeping it real with yourself and losing that fairytale mentality makes it easier.

i agree...but some of these women was takin advice from ppl that was already married thinkin they had some secret that they could pass on. but it seems like they only pass on dumb shit.

most of my old heads to me that marriage was hard work...and if im not in it for the long haul dont do it.

yes it can be very rewarding ....but its not only rewarding and gets really hard....an thats what alot of pre-married women dont hear....shit gets hard and they out or start a process that puts the marriage in jeopardy

tru_m.a.c

every guy knows what marriage is about before they hit puberty

where the fuck are the females at when true knowledge is being dropped???

Louis Cipher

pralims wrote:

all my wife freinds are divorced and only like two are still married.
they was all over last night and basically all said the same thing. that no one told them what to expect before getting married. they was saying how ppl made it sound so much like a fairytale and happily ever after but it was far from that. They didnt expect to have to compromise so much.
they didnt expect to have so much expected of them.
one chick said she didnt think she should have to use all her money paying bills when he could have got a part time job on top of his job because a man is supposed to make his wife comfortable..
Another chick...didnt think she should have to help raise kids that was not hers...and she should not be expected to look at them like they were hers
another chick said...her husband expected her to have anal sex...but she wasnt having it because it was nasty and unhealthy and your ass get stretched out and cant hold bowels...and all this dumb shit.

it was really sad to hear...

but the funny thing is ...most guys before they get married has every man in the world either warning them to not do it or to double and triple check and then sleep on it and double and triple check the next day before the get married.
I know i had total strangers telling me to make sure its what i want to do. but ladies get mad at this shit saying the guy is hating or he'll forever be lonely.

So ladies, why don't yall keep it real with ya girls?

1st. your wife has some really dumb friends..
2nd. people lie to themselves all the time and rarely face the truth....

but back to these birds...smh to any man that married any one of those idiots...all of those complaints they had should have been covered before they got married...the chick knew the cat had kids...knew what they $$$ situation looked like already...knew the cat liked anal...smh...

some women have unrealistic expectations of what marriage is supposed to be like...

caddo man

This thread was steer toward ladies but I will have to chime in.

The best thing I could have ever done was go to PREmarriage counseling. Everyone I know that has went are still married. EVERYONE!!!!!!!
It really open my eyes and it did the same for my wife. I still bring up things that the counselor said to me and that was more than 7 years ago.

One thing that still stick with me is he told us that a secret is not a bad thing. Trust is built up over time. It is not instant. A couple that is married for 2 years can talk the same way as someone married for 20 years. The trust factor is different. So dont get mad at simple things like a small secret about not telling a spouse about something medial. If your reaction about it seems overblown to the s/o. That is why they didnt tell you!

a.mann

being in a relationship shouldn't be one of the hardest and most emotionally exhausting a person doesn't

unless of course it's a unhealthy relationship

it's not always gone be peaches & cream

but a relationship should be how well you compliment each other like peaches & cream

caddo man

ItsKatBitches wrote: »

That's good advice @ caddo.

I gave you a GOAT for that! LOL!

Mood Indigo

Those sound like excuses.

They didn't expect to work at their relationship? how was it before they even got married? They expected marriage to come with a fairy god mother?

Theodis

My wife was like this when we first got married.
thing is, she was raised with both parents at home, yet when there was a conflict between her mother and father, they'd give each other the silent treatment.
more or less tolerating each other instead of dealing with their issues.

this carried over into our marriage. Her mother would give her the same advice, "well if he doesn't like what you do then do it anyway."

very little communication, two selfish hard headed individuals trying to give marriage advice.

so i cut them out the equation.

told my wife the only way we are going to fix us, is through communication and diligence.

told her, if i fuck up, you need to do an on the spot correction, and not wait 15 days later to want to bring it up.
if you wait, then your message gets diluted, you end up off the main topic and start bringing up shit that happened 5 years ago.
thats not right, how can we fix some shit if we never actually address it?

Marriage is not a fairy tale.
It's hard, harder then raising a kid truthfully speaking...
it still has it's rewards, you just have to be patient enough to sort thru all the bullshit to find that pearl.

Marriage isn't a competition either.
you don't try to "win" arguments.
your s/o is your s/o, not your daggum enemy.

fuck pride, pride will make you lose the house the cars and or worse.

can't be prideful in a marriage.

Theodis

also you have to show her that her aint shit friends aint shit...

had to deal with that when we got out here, most her child hood friends were either divorced, married and hoein, single with a fuck ton of kids or just thieving asses...

they stayed in her ear trying to get her to go clubbing and shit...

Naaaaah baby, you trust these people? like if you in some shit can you depend on them to have your back?

she'd be coming home with these wild ass ideas in her head because her fucked up friends would be bitching about their lives.... she'd of course try to compare, so i pointed out that 3/7 of her friends still live with their moms...
2/7 are married and ARE STILL LIVING WITH THEIR PARENTS.
1/7 is 24 and married to a damn 56 year old.

you really trying to compare lives? really?

taeboo

Your wife's friends are dumb and obviously got married for the wrong reasons. Every single one of the issues they stated should have been seen long before any of them said I do. I don't think the problem is women don't tell other women that marriage is hard work, it's that a lot of women are so bound and determined to get a ring on their finger that they don't really think about what's to come after the wedding and the honeymoon....

Loo.Loo

man when friends get in your woman's ear, shit can really affect your relationship

a.mann

IF SHE WEAK......YEAH

a.mann

ItsKatBitches wrote: »

a.mann wrote: »

being in a relationship shouldn't be one of the hardest and most emotionally exhausting a person doesn't

unless of course it's a unhealthy relationship

it's not always gone be peaches & cream

but a relationship should be how well you compliment each other like peaches & cream

I don't mean it's emotionally exhausting ALL the time, but considering this is pretty much the first time I've even made a real attempt at a long term relationship all this dealing with feelings, and taking another person into consideration and compromise is new to me. It's a challenge..but I love him, so it's a challenge I'm willing to take on..

I think we compliment each other very well, but at the end of the day, he's a man and I'm a woman and we come from different planets.

it's really not that hard, if you simply learn how to submit and obey

sean177

caddo man wrote: »

This thread was steer toward ladies but I will have to chime in.

The best thing I could have ever done was go to PREmarriage counseling. Everyone I know that has went are still married. EVERYONE!!!!!!!
It really open my eyes and it did the same for my wife. I still bring up things that the counselor said to me and that was more than 7 years ago.

One thing that still stick with me is he told us that a secret is not a bad thing. Trust is built up over time. It is not instant. A couple that is married for 2 years can talk the same way as someone married for 20 years. The trust factor is different. So dont get mad at simple things like a small secret about not telling a spouse about something medial. If your reaction about it seems overblown to the s/o. That is why they didnt tell you!

been married for awhile and i must say you have to be able to "keep it real" with your wife / spouse whatever because when things come out (and they always do) you always look like an asshole for not being honest.

The Lonious Monk

*shrugs* Being married is easy for me. I guess that's how it is when you're open and honest about your expectations and desires from the very start and continue to be that way throughout the relationship.

If your ass gets all the way to marriage and don't know that you're going to be expected to be a stepmom or take it in the ass, you're either an idiot, didn't do the due diligence in learning about your future mate, or are just so self absorbed you couldn't see that possibility of the other person wanting things out of the relationship too.

sean177

and by the way , women hate each other thats why they dont keep it real with each other. it truly seems like they like to see each other fail

Du_Du

women tend to romanticize things....while men are much more practical.......

women tend to look at the big picture......while men focus on the individual steps it take to paint that picture

women will tell other women how wonderful marriage is......while men will tell other men how much work it takes to make a marriage work...

The Lonious Monk

Haul Judos wrote: »

women tend to romanticize things....while men are much more practical.......

women tend to look at the big picture......while men focus on the individual steps it take to paint that picture

women will tell other women how wonderful marriage is......while men will tell other men how much work it takes to make a marriage work...

This is pretty spot on.

sean177

The Lonious Monk wrote: »

Haul Judos wrote: »

women tend to romanticize things....while men are much more practical.......

women tend to look at the big picture......while men focus on the individual steps it take to paint that picture

women will tell other women how wonderful marriage is......while men will tell other men how much work it takes to make a marriage work...

This is pretty spot on.

agreed !

Du_Du

Thulsa Doom wrote: »

My wife was like this when we first got married.
thing is, she was raised with both parents at home, yet when there was a conflict between her mother and father, they'd give each other the silent treatment.
more or less tolerating each other instead of dealing with their issues.

this carried over into our marriage. Her mother would give her the same advice, "well if he doesn't like what you do then do it anyway."

very little communication, two selfish hard headed individuals trying to give marriage advice.

so i cut them out the equation.

told my wife the only way we are going to fix us, is through communication and diligence.

told her, if i fuck up, you need to do an on the spot correction, and not wait 15 days later to want to bring it up.
if you wait, then your message gets diluted, you end up off the main topic and start bringing up shit that happened 5 years ago.
thats not right, how can we fix some shit if we never actually address it?

Marriage is not a fairy tale.
It's hard, harder then raising a kid truthfully speaking...
it still has it's rewards, you just have to be patient enough to sort thru all the bullshit to find that pearl.

Marriage isn't a competition either.
you don't try to "win" arguments.
your s/o is your s/o, not your daggum enemy.

fuck pride, pride will make you lose the house the cars and or worse.

can't be prideful in a marriage.

ayo.....this issue came up in one of my marriage workshops....


generational curses they call it...

shit you bring to a marriage that has been going on in your family....



you did the absolute right thing... you cut that shit out and leave it at the door...

every marriage is different.. yall communicate and do what's best for yall....

props on that shit homie....

Cutty5000

pralims wrote:

Another chick...didnt think she should have to help raise kids that was not hers...and she should not be expected to look at them like they were hers
another chick said...her husband expected her to have anal sex...but she wasnt having it because it was nasty and unhealthy and your ass get stretched out and cant hold bowels...and all this dumb shit.

So ladies, why don't yall keep it real with ya girls?

The bolded is hilarious.

Seriously though, I think the women don't keep it real with their girls because most of them probably don't have any idea of what it means to be a good wife.

'Probably don't have any chicks like Kai in their circle to break it down for them.

The Lonious Monk

In my opinion, the most important things in maintaining a relationship are trust, honesty, compromise, and consistency.

Trust takes time to build. If the trust is shaky you might as well quit the relationship because lack of trust leads to things like jealousy and overcompensation. However, if the trust is there, you always was feel completely comfortable. If my wife wants to go out with her cousin or friend, I think nothing of it because I trust her. That said, only trust that has been earned means anything. If you trust someone with no basis for it, you're stupid.

Honesty is a no brainer. If you're in a real relationship, you should be able to tell your partner any and everything (not that you necessarily should). If you have certain thoughts and certain feelings, you should be open about them even if your partner won't like them. If those things are enough to tear you apart, you shouldn't be together in the first place. If you got stuff like that hiding under the surface, it's only a matter of time before explodes out and takes the relationship with it.

Both parties have to be willing to compromise, and there should be equity in that compromise. Being in a relationship requires sacrifice. Each is going to have to give in order to take. That doesn't mean that you just bend to every demand the other has, but you can't be stubborn and stuck in your own ways. Unless you guys think and want 100% of the same things (which is unlikely and would probably be boring anyway), there are going to be times when someone is going to have give so that the other can be happy. If that happens pretty equally on both sides, then there will never really be any problems.

Consistency is something that's often overlooked, but there is an old saying that you should never go into a relationship doing things that you're not willing to do forever, and that's true. This is an area where men mess up the most. Because often dudes go into a relationship trying to be a superhero in order to impress the chick. 2 months down the line he's burnt out on that shit and starts to behave normally. At that point the chick is unhappy and thinks he's changed, but the truth is, he hasn't changed, now he's being himself and he's screwed himself over because he's gotten her used to some unrealistic shit.

Du_Du

i think honest communication is the most important thing....

disagreements happen, we all fuck up...we all make mistakes, but as long as we're willing to be upfront and talk about the shit....the odds of us making it for the long run are much better...

The Lonious Monk

Haul Judos wrote: »

i think honest communication is the most important thing....

disagreements happen, we all fuck up...we all make mistakes, but as long as we're willing to be upfront and talk about the shit....the odds of us making it for the long run are much better...

Yeah, it's hard to say what exactly is the most important. I think it's either between honesty and trust. However, consistent honesty builds trust, so they really go hand in hand.

kai_valya

Haul Judos wrote: »

i think honest communication is the most important thing....

disagreements happen, we all fuck up...we all make mistakes, but as long as we're willing to be upfront and talk about the shit....the odds of us making it for the long run are much better...

it's also one of the hardest things. to stay in that frame of mind when you're upset is difficult. communicating when you are getting along is easy. it's harder to communicate/fight fairly when you are angry. a breakdown in communication is the beginning of the end for a relationship.