Seems like women dont keep it real with other women before marriage

Du_Du

The Lonious Monk wrote: »

Haul Judos wrote: »

i think honest communication is the most important thing....

disagreements happen, we all fuck up...we all make mistakes, but as long as we're willing to be upfront and talk about the shit....the odds of us making it for the long run are much better...

Yeah, it's hard to say what exactly is the most important. I think it's either between honesty and trust. However, consistent honesty builds trust, so they really go hand in hand.

true.....
all in out they all come to do with basically keeping it as real as possible with the person you're with.....

i think the biggest mistake is that people have others in their life they either hold higher than their spouse, or communicate better with than their spouse.....

they're not being true with themselves on making that person the #1 person in their lives....

because if both partners of that marriage keep the other #1 in all things, that shit has a much better chance at working....

and that's one of the hardest things for people to let go, they have friends and family that they feel because they were there first... their spouse should come before them...


but the way i look at it, whenever you put friends or family first, that marriage is destined to fail...your spouse has to be your best friend, and the closest person to you in your family.....if that's not the case, or at the very least it's not moving towards that direction....shit just ain't gonna work out

The Lonious Monk

kai_valya wrote: »

Haul Judos wrote: »

i think honest communication is the most important thing....

disagreements happen, we all fuck up...we all make mistakes, but as long as we're willing to be upfront and talk about the shit....the odds of us making it for the long run are much better...

it's also one of the hardest things. to stay in that frame of mind when you're upset is difficult. communicating when you are getting along is easy. it's harder to communicate/fight fairly when you are angry. a breakdown in communication is the beginning of the end for a relationship.

It may not be easy at first, but honestly if you get in the practice early on, it is easy.

Du_Du

kai_valya wrote: »

Haul Judos wrote: »

i think honest communication is the most important thing....

disagreements happen, we all fuck up...we all make mistakes, but as long as we're willing to be upfront and talk about the shit....the odds of us making it for the long run are much better...

it's also one of the hardest things. to stay in that frame of mind when you're upset is difficult. communicating when you are getting along is easy. it's harder to communicate/fight fairly when you are angry. a breakdown in communication is the beginning of the end for a relationship.

lol, i'm more honest when i'm pissed....

all the filters of trying to butter shit up are gone.it's blunt, raw, unsaturated truth....

The Lonious Monk

Haul Judos wrote: »

The Lonious Monk wrote: »

Haul Judos wrote: »

i think honest communication is the most important thing....

disagreements happen, we all fuck up...we all make mistakes, but as long as we're willing to be upfront and talk about the shit....the odds of us making it for the long run are much better...

Yeah, it's hard to say what exactly is the most important. I think it's either between honesty and trust. However, consistent honesty builds trust, so they really go hand in hand.

true.....
all in out they all come to do with basically keeping it as real as possible with the person you're with.....

i think the biggest mistake is that people have others in their life they either hold higher than their spouse, or communicate better with than their spouse.....

they're not being true with themselves on making that person the #1 person in their lives....

because if both partners of that marriage keep the other #1 in all things, that shit has a much better chance at working....

and that's one of the hardest things for people to let go, they have friends and family that they feel because they were there first... their spouse should come before them...


but the way i look at it, whenever you put friends or family first, that marriage is destined to fail...your spouse has to be your best friend, and the closest person to you in your family.....if that's not the case, or at the very least it's not moving towards that direction....shit just ain't gonna work out

Again this is pretty spot on. I can't even understand the concept of someone being married but feeling like they can talk to others more freely than their spouse. I'm not saying there aren't subjects where you can talk to others easier than my wife. But there really shouldn't be any taboo with your mate. If I think another chick's titties are sitting right, I'm going to be quicker to tell my homeboy than my wife. But if I find another chick attractive, I don't feel like I have to hide that from my wife.

MsSouthern

Sometimes getting advice from your girlfriends can do more damage than good

I think each relationship if different and you need to build a strong foundation before you jump into marriage. Some of the things TS said these women "didn't know about" seems like common sense to me.

The Lonious Monk

Ms Southern wrote: »

Sometimes getting advice from your girlfriends can do more damage than good

I think each relationship if different and you need to build a strong foundation before you jump into marriage. Some of the things TS said these women "didn't know about" seems like common sense to me.

Very true. Although I'll say maybe the induction of rectal spelunking in the relationship as soon as you say "I Do" isn't common sense, it is something you should probably know about before you get that far.

caddo man

The Lonious Monk wrote: »

Ms Southern wrote: »

Sometimes getting advice from your girlfriends can do more damage than good

I think each relationship if different and you need to build a strong foundation before you jump into marriage. Some of the things TS said these women "didn't know about" seems like common sense to me.

Very true. Although I'll say maybe the induction of rectal spelunking in the relationship as soon as you say "I Do" isn't common sense, it is something you should probably know about before you get that far.

head and anal is a given. Just as long as he does it to her responsibly. Cant run right back up in the cooch after going in the doonk shoot!

Du_Du

BOOM BOOM BOOM!!!!Open the Door ATF!!!

Black_Samson

Haul Judos wrote: »

Thulsa Doom wrote: »

My wife was like this when we first got married.
thing is, she was raised with both parents at home, yet when there was a conflict between her mother and father, they'd give each other the silent treatment.
more or less tolerating each other instead of dealing with their issues.

this carried over into our marriage. Her mother would give her the same advice, "well if he doesn't like what you do then do it anyway."

very little communication, two selfish hard headed individuals trying to give marriage advice.

so i cut them out the equation.

told my wife the only way we are going to fix us, is through communication and diligence.

told her, if i fuck up, you need to do an on the spot correction, and not wait 15 days later to want to bring it up.
if you wait, then your message gets diluted, you end up off the main topic and start bringing up shit that happened 5 years ago.
thats not right, how can we fix some shit if we never actually address it?

Marriage is not a fairy tale.
It's hard, harder then raising a kid truthfully speaking...
it still has it's rewards, you just have to be patient enough to sort thru all the bullshit to find that pearl.

Marriage isn't a competition either.
you don't try to "win" arguments.
your s/o is your s/o, not your daggum enemy.

fuck pride, pride will make you lose the house the cars and or worse.

can't be prideful in a marriage.

ayo.....this issue came up in one of my marriage workshops....


generational curses they call it...

shit you bring to a marriage that has been going on in your family....



you did the absolute right thing... you cut that shit out and leave it at the door...

every marriage is different.. yall communicate and do what's best for yall....

props on that shit homie....

now i aint gon sit here and act like my generational curse aint play a role in some of the shit in my marriage too.
i just overcame genetics...

MsSouthern

The Lonious Monk wrote: »

Ms Southern wrote: »

Sometimes getting advice from your girlfriends can do more damage than good

I think each relationship if different and you need to build a strong foundation before you jump into marriage. Some of the things TS said these women "didn't know about" seems like common sense to me.

Very true. Although I'll say maybe the induction of rectal spelunking in the relationship as soon as you say "I Do" isn't common sense, it is something you should probably know about before you get that far.

True

However she should at least be open to trying new things ... at least once

kai_valya

The Lonious Monk wrote: »

kai_valya wrote: »

Haul Judos wrote: »

i think honest communication is the most important thing....

disagreements happen, we all fuck up...we all make mistakes, but as long as we're willing to be upfront and talk about the shit....the odds of us making it for the long run are much better...

it's also one of the hardest things. to stay in that frame of mind when you're upset is difficult. communicating when you are getting along is easy. it's harder to communicate/fight fairly when you are angry. a breakdown in communication is the beginning of the end for a relationship.

It may not be easy at first, but honestly if you get in the practice early on, it is easy.

yeah, but you gotta put that practice in before it gets easier, and some people don't wanna do that

Haul Judos wrote: »

kai_valya wrote: »

Haul Judos wrote: »

i think honest communication is the most important thing....

disagreements happen, we all fuck up...we all make mistakes, but as long as we're willing to be upfront and talk about the shit....the odds of us making it for the long run are much better...

it's also one of the hardest things. to stay in that frame of mind when you're upset is difficult. communicating when you are getting along is easy. it's harder to communicate/fight fairly when you are angry. a breakdown in communication is the beginning of the end for a relationship.

lol, i'm more honest when i'm pissed....

all the filters of trying to butter shit up are gone.it's blunt, raw, unsaturated truth....

a lot of times tho people say things when they're upset that they don't mean. and once you put hurtful words out there you can't ever take them back. like another poster said, you shouldn't argue with your s/o like they're the enemy

Cabana_Da_Don

SOME Women just want to blame someone else....

Da Roc

The Lonious Monk wrote: »

In my opinion, the most important things in maintaining a relationship are trust, honesty, compromise, and consistency.


Consistency is something that's often overlooked, but there is an old saying that you should never go into a relationship doing things that you're not willing to do forever, and that's true. This is an area where men mess up the most. Because often dudes go into a relationship trying to be a superhero in order to impress the chick. 2 months down the line he's burnt out on that shit and starts to behave normally. At that point the chick is unhappy and thinks he's changed, but the truth is, he hasn't changed, now he's being himself and he's screwed himself over because he's gotten her used to some unrealistic shit.

This is probably the most important. I'm single but I could see myself trying to make that first year of marriage wonderful for the wife, but then gettin burnt out later on, especially if I feel she's gotten too used to it and expecting it all the time. I'ma need to keep them urges in check through relationships.

Listening to people give negative insight on relationships is one of the main reasons shit gets fucked up for couples. Its better to surround yourself with friends that's real, but can give you constructive criticism too. Its cool to be honest and mention how hard marriage is, but you also need to mention what steps y'all are taking/already took to FIX it, so that EVERYBODY leaves the table with something.

pralims

Haul Judos wrote: »

women tend to romanticize things....while men are much more practical.......

women tend to look at the big picture......while men focus on the individual steps it take to paint that picture

women will tell other women how wonderful marriage is......while men will tell other men how much work it takes to make a marriage work...

i think you ma this backwards.....its the women looking at the smaller picture and thats why the cant see how the shit they do effects the overall marraige
men see the bigger picture....that why they keep it real about what your getting into

Du_Du

pralims wrote: »

Haul Judos wrote: »

women tend to romanticize things....while men are much more practical.......

women tend to look at the big picture......while men focus on the individual steps it take to paint that picture

women will tell other women how wonderful marriage is......while men will tell other men how much work it takes to make a marriage work...

i think you ma this backwards.....its the women looking at the smaller picture and thats why the cant see how the shit they do effects the overall marraige
men see the bigger picture....that why they keep it real about what your getting into

naw, i got it right....

they want the end result of something, but neglect the specific steps thats needed to make it towards that goal....

pralims

Haul Judos wrote: »

pralims wrote: »

Haul Judos wrote: »

women tend to romanticize things....while men are much more practical.......

women tend to look at the big picture......while men focus on the individual steps it take to paint that picture

women will tell other women how wonderful marriage is......while men will tell other men how much work it takes to make a marriage work...

i think you ma this backwards.....its the women looking at the smaller picture and thats why the cant see how the shit they do effects the overall marraige
men see the bigger picture....that why they keep it real about what your getting into

naw, i got it right....

they want the end result of something, but neglect the specific steps thats needed to make it towards that goal....

ok...how about we compromise....

men see the bigger picture so they understand the steps to get to the bigger picture

and those women see a small step as the bigger picture and are happy with that small corner

lechic

Being HONEST. Is fucking key and compromising.

I always tell him that you need to talk to me because if you dont say anything, then I wont know what your dislikes are.

pralims

i hear what alot of yall are saying...its alot of good stuff going around in this thread

problem is like one of them said: i thought i he was going to stop asking at some point.

its the lack of accountablility. it was always the guys fault.

the chick that didnt want to do anal...told her man that she may try it after the wedding, but then just completely said no because of shit she heard...that of course supported only her wa of seeing things.

i saw someone posted trust and honest in here...
man most of them chix say they man dont or wont talk to them....thses are the type chix you cant talk too...an i agree maybe the man shouldnt have married them...

im honestly surprised they got far in their career and life thinking they way they do

pralims

charlie_danger wrote: »

Being HONEST. Is fucking key and compromising.

I always tell him that you need to talk to me because if you dont say anything, then I wont know what your dislikes are.

but what if a situation has been created so he cant be honest.

Du_Du

pralims wrote: »

Haul Judos wrote: »

pralims wrote: »

Haul Judos wrote: »

women tend to romanticize things....while men are much more practical.......

women tend to look at the big picture......while men focus on the individual steps it take to paint that picture

women will tell other women how wonderful marriage is......while men will tell other men how much work it takes to make a marriage work...

i think you ma this backwards.....its the women looking at the smaller picture and thats why the cant see how the shit they do effects the overall marraige
men see the bigger picture....that why they keep it real about what your getting into

naw, i got it right....

they want the end result of something, but neglect the specific steps thats needed to make it towards that goal....

ok...how about we compromise....

men see the bigger picture so they understand the steps to get to the bigger picture

and those women see a small step as the bigger picture and are happy with that small corner

not really what i was talking about... but whatever..

a.mann

pralims wrote: »

charlie_danger wrote: »

Being HONEST. Is fucking key and compromising.

I always tell him that you need to talk to me because if you dont say anything, then I wont know what your dislikes are.

but what if a situation has been created so he cant be honest.

c/s

honesty doesn't resolve all problems

DreadsRIGHT

Real question doe...hoe many of yall been with someone 3+ years? Im talking adult life not some high school shit.

Money/assets aside, There is no difference between marriage and a long term relationship or a divorce and breakup.

That being said married or not, being with someone for YEARS of your life is hard, living together doesnt make it any easier. The most rocky period of a relationship is the 3 year mark when all that honeymooning is over and you gotta look at that fucker everyday like "forever? Forever ever? FOREVER EVER?"

Im 4 years strong and realize that yea its not the GREATEST but its not bad. Gonna go through the same shit with the next chick (if ever) anyway.

Du_Du

DreadsRIGHT wrote: »

Real question doe...hoe many of yall been with someone 3+ years? Im talking adult life not some high school shit.

Money/assets aside, There is no difference between marriage and a long term relationship or a divorce and breakup.

That being said married or not, being with someone for YEARS of your life is hard, living together doesnt make it any easier. The most rocky period of a relationship is the 3 year mark when all that honeymooning is over and you gotta look at that fucker everyday like "forever? Forever ever? FOREVER EVER?"

Im 4 years strong and realize that yea its not the GREATEST but its not bad. Gonna go through the same shit with the next chick (if ever) anyway.

naw yo, it's definitely a difference

MsSouthern

DreadsRIGHT wrote: »

Real question doe...hoe many of yall been with someone 3+ years? Im talking adult life not some high school shit.

Money/assets aside, There is no difference between marriage and a long term relationship or a divorce and breakup.

That being said married or not, being with someone for YEARS of your life is hard, living together doesnt make it any easier. The most rocky period of a relationship is the 3 year mark when all that honeymooning is over and you gotta look at that fucker everyday like "forever? Forever ever? FOREVER EVER?"

Im 4 years strong and realize that yea its not the GREATEST but its not bad. Gonna go through the same shit with the next chick (if ever) anyway.

Ummm..... There is a huge difference between a divorce and a breakup

DreadsRIGHT

Du u just got off the porch and into adult life.

You been past year 3 yet?