"Real Men Don’t LOL"

I.B. BlackmanI.B. Blackman Posts: 3,137 ✭✭✭✭✭
edited May 2012 in For The Grown & Sexy
Lonely bitches on Twitter Say:

A) I’m Bored
B) Somebody come cuddle
C) I’m feeling extra horny tonight

Corny niggas on Twitter Respond:

A) Sup Ma, what you doing (obviously nothing you idiot, she’s bored)
B) I’m on my way sexy (You’re the 27th person to write that)
C) DM: Hey (You DM after a horny tweet and the best you can conjure is “Hey”?)


Corny niggas disgust me....

What happened to real men? The dudes from the block who use to call me over to their ‘lac and tell the chick they had in the front seat to “show lil man your pussy” those guys were G’s. They talked reckless, always had some slick advice, and never bragged about eating ass and pussy. Those guys were fucking cowboys. I’m sure every hood had those dudes, not just mine. But look around– why are all of these bitch niggas flooding the malls, clubs, and social networks of America. It feels as if the only real men left in this world are Me, Charlie Sheen, and Missy Elliot. Last week I saw this black girl walk out of the Roosevelt hotel screaming at this big linebacker looking dude calling him all kinds of bitches, and then told him to catch a cab because she’s taking the car. His big ass kept apologizing, and eventually walked to the cab stand. That’s G! You girls are harder than most men today. Your pussy power has hit Super Saiyan level 3. You have managed to turn these men into wimps who will bend to your every need. I predict by 2081 men will be the ones sitting down to pee, we’ve lost our edge, guys coming up today have become way too nice, way too sugary, and I blame the internet, text messaging, and a lack of strong male mentors.


DSC_0776_002.jpg

I was with my boy a few weeks back and he’s swerving on the road, his eyes on his phone. I’m thinking dude has a board on Angry Birds that he just won’t give up on. He tells me, “Man, I’m having an argument with this chick.” Hold up. An argument over text message? We’ll come back to that. Anyway he’s swerving, risking my life, so I need to know what’s going on. This girl who he’s been feeling was supposed to meet up with him to go out. She’s use to him coming to her crib which is all the way in south LA; he lives in the deep valley. So he’s like, “Come out my way, there are nicer places to go”. She’s like, “What are we going to do”. He’s like does it matter? She didn’t like that. She gave him the runaround, so he’s hanging with me by default. He’s telling me how girls always want to have control and he can’t stand women because all of them are fake. You know, typical shit men say when a girl’s mind fucking them. Finally he’s says, “hold up, I’m going to call her”. He calls… does anyone want to guess what happens next? She didn’t answer. She cranked that ignore button with the quickness because the Voicemail came right on. I’m thinking he’s about to lay into this girl via voicemail. Nope. He leaves a nice, calm, composed message. Calls her “miss” and says “thank you” at the end of the message. Where did the anger go? He goes back to venting to me about how he’s been down her way 10 separate times and she’s never been to his place… 10 times and she hasn’t seen your bedroom? Scientist refer to that as failing most epically.

That’s one of my really good friends so imagine how that hurts me inside to see him act this way. If Winston Churchill were alive he would describe us very eloquently as, “A nation of pussies”. Niggas are out here giving out foot rubs and texting “good morning beautiful” to chicks who laugh at them. You’re not smooth, you’re a daily punchline. When girls say, “Why don’t the guys I like, treat me like the guys I’m not interested in” guess which category you fall in?

BITCH NIGGA SYMPTOMS:

- You always call her first
- She only invites you out on group dates
- You hit “like” on every one of her FaceBook pictures
- She says “you talk too much”, and your response is to shut up
- You RT every lame ass motivational tweet she writes
- You check your phone every 30 secs to see if she texted back
- You spend more time chauffeuring her then under her sheets


I’m not saying be mean to girls, I’m suggesting that you stop being afraid to speak up! Girls love a man who can keep up with them. Telling her how pretty she is and doing everything she asks you to do will not turn her on. You can’t nice guy those panties off. “Girl he pulled my chair out, I’m going to suck the skin off his gentlemanly dick” It doesn’t work that way jabroni. Women need to be challenged and stimulated (not slapped 49ers). If she catches an attitude, don’t kiss more ass, tell her she’s being a bitch. You joke me, I’m going to joke you better. You want to go bowling, fuck that we’re going to the movies. You text me on some attention shit, I’m not texting you back. Go join the rest of the lonely chicks who tweet, “he still hasn’t texted me back, I hate men”. You are a man! We don’t compromise!

Please stop letting technology devolve your Manhood! Real men don’t argue via text messages. Pick up the phone; scream with your voice, not all CAPS. Real men don’t type LOL. If it seems as if I’m getting smart in my text—maybe I am, take the stick out of your ass and call me if you can’t figure out if I was joking or not, I’m not laughing out loud when I say, “then stay your ass home if your hair’s not done”. Real men don’t have “twitter crushes” or “twitter wives”. Stop being creepy role playing guy and go get some real ass, last time I checked there was no twitter pussy app for android, you’re not judged on how bad your “Twifey” is …if that were the case I would have already called dibbs on @nobitchnotever. Dear bitch nigga, Facebook Chat is not a date. Don’t tell me your boo is a bitch who lives five states away with 793 friends who also “LIKE” the fact that she’s “Sick of people at work”. You don’t know that girl! If you can’t even be witty on a “wall post” how can you brag that you have swag in real life? YOU ARE A FUCKING CLOWN. Fellas it’s time to man the hell up when you take girls out. I’m a firm believer in being yourself. If I was on a first date, I’m not going to walk on egg shells and say things she wants to hear in hopes that she will have sex with me. I am who I am, and if you don’t want my penis inside you because I think dolphins are gay and I laugh at the handicap, then it’s on to the next woman smart enough not to ask my opinions on those topics. It’s not about being street or hard. You can be sensitive and caring and still keep your balls —pause– no LOL.

For my ladies, I’ll say this—enjoy it. Do you realize how lucky you are that no matter how you look you can have a guy “yes” you more times than a Slave Master? You can not be a girl whose attention starved in this day and age. There are millions of men ready to kiss your ass at the stroke of a key. You don’t believe me, I triple dog dare you to log onto your Facebook and write, “Inbox me if you want to take me out tonight” and watch the bitch boys stampede. He’s not a bitch because he wants to take you out, he’s a bitch because he’s been i-stalking you since 2008 and this is the first time he’s said a thing. Real life is just as easy. The next time you’re on a date with a potential suitor, give him the “bitch boy test”. Act as if you don’t like the food he orders, and demand that he get something he can share with you. 9 out of 10 guys will quickly return that thug ass steak for that soft ass glazed salmon. Why? Because they don’t want to rock the boat. Ladies how many guys have you said, “I can’t stand him, he’s so rude” to, then turned around and had sex with him down the line? Now cross reference that with the guys you’ve said, “He’s so sweet” to and had sex with. The numbers don’t lie. Nice guys cum finish last and usually by themselves....

http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2011/03/real-men-dont-lol.html


TheFixPlap SunKing_MeAjackson17Dirty SanchezJudah Backsweetheart93Mister B.[Deleted User]Osirus_JenkinsHarlemThumzUpbuttuh_bCoolJoeAfrica UnitedDWOdwade20632DaysOfInfiniti
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Replies

  • hautehaute Posts: 11,565 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Lol


    Love that blog
    Ajackson17
  • caddo mancaddo man You cant @ me bro Posts: 15,102 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited May 2012
    I predict by 2081 men will be the ones sitting down to pee, we’ve lost our edge, guys coming up today have become way too nice, way too sugary, and I blame the internet, text messaging, and a lack of strong male mentors.

    "The dudes from the block who use to call me over to their ‘lac and tell the chick they had in the front seat to “show lil man your pussy” those guys were G’s. They talked reckless, always had some slick advice, and never bragged about eating ass and pussy. Those guys were fucking cowboys."

    So a dude that makes his chick show some young dude her cooch is a strong male figure, now! DA FUCK!


    I admit some of that shit is real, though!
    Ajackson17Sionjsnowpro
  • deadeyedeadeye Old Nigga Extraordinaire ????????????????????????????????????????Posts: 11,239 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited May 2012

    - You RT every lame ass motivational tweet she writes




    Real men don’t have “twitter crushes” or “twitter wives”. Stop being creepy role playing guy and go get some real ass,

    He’s not a bitch because he wants to take you out, he’s a bitch because he’s been i-stalking you since 2008


    'Can't relate

    atribecalledgabiblakfyahking
  • caddo mancaddo man You cant @ me bro Posts: 15,102 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited May 2012
    deadeye wrote: »

    - You RT every lame ass motivational tweet she writes




    Real men don’t have “twitter crushes” or “twitter wives”. Stop being creepy role playing guy and go get some real ass,

    He’s not a bitch because he wants to take you out, he’s a bitch because he’s been i-stalking you since 2008


    'Can't relate

    I hate that motivational tweet shit! I am like hold up! The lord dont like stupid!

    Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy off topic!
    changing their name to some crazy shit like, Tatayana "Istayonmygrind" Butler. Reyna "Hatermotivated" Greer.
  • powerman 5000powerman 5000 Posts: 2,617 ✭✭✭✭✭
    glad I didn't start dating and shit in the social media age. not only is simpin on display for the world to see but people have way too much access to you. This shit is ridiculous.
    The ProdigalsonAjackson17buttuh_b
  • BK ProductBK Product Posts: 1,923 ✭✭✭✭✭
  • RahlowRahlow Posts: 2,429 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I never had a Twitter account and based on what I hear about it, I would be wasting my time creating one.
  • 1of11of1 Posts: 37,473 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I read as far as the picture.
    Already Home_17
  • Bully_PulpitBully_Pulpit Factsmachine Posts: 5,051 ✭✭✭✭✭
    why do niggas that claim they're the last real nigga left suggest that niggas need to step up and start acting like real niggas cuz females love real niggas

    Nigga thats more hoes for you if them niggas wanna act like pussies, now thinking like that is real nigga shit

    thats some real Confucius shit actually, co-signed
  • ol_buddyol_buddy Posts: 289 ✭✭✭
    edited May 2012
    you’re not judged on how bad your “Twifey” is …if that were the case I would have already called dibbs on @nobitchnotever.

    Even a nigga writing a blog post condemning social media super simping couldnt pass up the chance to get his gorilla simp on too

    The thirst is real
    trACE_evidence
  • major painmajor pain Posts: 9,803 ✭✭✭✭✭
    why do niggas that claim they're the last real nigga left suggest that niggas need to step up and start acting like real niggas cuz females love real niggas

    Nigga thats more hoes for you if them niggas wanna act like pussies, now thinking like that is real nigga shit


    tumblr_m0wb2xz9Yh1r08e3p.jpg
    HyenaKilla
  • Will MunnyWill Munny I eat pussy on the 1st date. Posts: 23,802 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Not everyone gets to have their self-respect and get female attention at the same time.
    Ajackson17Bully_Pulpit
  • longmeatlongmeat Posts: 2,263 ✭✭✭
    I ain't read NONE of that shit
    Mister B.
  • T. SanfordT. Sanford An Advocate Member Of Trill Family aka Legion Of Trill Posts: 14,956 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I seen two niccas fighting over a chick that stay in another country. Niccas arguing over a chick that they have to get a transport to see & going to war against each other like the pilgrims & indians for the prize of her......shss hella pathetic
    Ajackson17soul rattler
  • texas409texas409 Posts: 12,590 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I dont have a twitter and I deaded my fb. But I see the simps go nuts on my girls page when they think she is single lol and I always been a asshole to chicks
    Ajackson17p-tavern
  • BoldChildBoldChild Born alone, die alone. Posts: 10,881 ✭✭✭✭✭
  • caddo mancaddo man You cant @ me bro Posts: 15,102 ✭✭✭✭✭
    ghost tho wrote: »
    What is this kindle?

    Fire??????????
    Ajackson17
  • Tru_HittaTru_Hitta Posts: 615
    smh true true true man but idc what a bitch say imma eat that damn steak i guess she just gone be hungry af when i eat it in her face
    Ajackson17buttuh_b
  • unRealLady1unRealLady1 Posts: 1,081 ✭✭✭✭✭
    so real men hold in their farts too?
    Ajackson17Will MunnyKINGECHyenaKillaAfrica United
  • Knives AmilliKnives Amilli Posts: 4,353 ✭✭✭✭✭
    SlickestR wrote: »
    at the time when all the real niggas were controlling the game, too bad they've became dead-beat fathers and left a whole generation of bastardized lost children into the world without teaching them the game. Maybe that's why we got all these niggas acting the way they do.. because real niggas was too busy dealing with hoes and not putting on for the next generation.

    Question

    When was the time when "real niggas" were controlling the game?

    Niggas have been absent from the home since at least the 50's, so thats a good 5 generations of niggas who grew up without fathers and therefore had "no on to teach them the game". So it was the pre-ww2 niggas who had the game on lock?

    Or maybe, just maybe niggas don't like to admit that simping has been around for, oh I dont know, the beginning of civilization?

    The only, i repeat, the ONLY thing that has changed is increased opportunity to simp what with the advent of cell phones and the internet.
  • fiat_moneyfiat_money Posts: 16,655 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Not reading that shit, but the pic reminds me of a theory I have about foot fetishes being a form of simpary.
  • SlickestRSlickestR Posts: 2,787 ✭✭✭✭✭
    SlickestR wrote: »
    at the time when all the real niggas were controlling the game, too bad they've became dead-beat fathers and left a whole generation of bastardized lost children into the world without teaching them the game. Maybe that's why we got all these niggas acting the way they do.. because real niggas was too busy dealing with hoes and not putting on for the next generation.

    Question

    When was the time when "real niggas" were controlling the game?

    Niggas have been absent from the home since at least the 50's, so thats a good 5 generations of niggas who grew up without fathers and therefore had "no on to teach them the game". So it was the pre-ww2 niggas who had the game on lock?

    Or maybe, just maybe niggas don't like to admit that simping has been around for, oh I dont know, the beginning of civilization?

    The only, i repeat, the ONLY thing that has changed is increased opportunity to simp what with the advent of cell phones and the internet.

    okay so if real niggas haven't been home since the 50's and simping has been here since the beginning of time,

    so what's the problem?
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