Would you drink "fat-blocking" soda?

Young_ChitlinYoung_Chitlin YCN Chief, FCC Member, #RedVelvetSquad Member, IC Task Force GeneralASUville, PhoenixPosts: 14,312 ✭✭✭✭✭
New Fat-Blocking Pepsi Will Soon Render All Non-Soda Liquids Redundant

By: Caity Weaver

At long last, God has answered our prayers: "fat-blocking" soda has arrived.

Unfortunately, because He is a tricky God, the new fat-blocking soda is Pepsi. WHY, GOD, WHY?

Tuesday saw Japan's launch of a new Pepsi product called "Pepsi Special," which boasts an ingredient called "indigestible dextrin"—a nutrient the country's Pepsi distributor, Suntory, claims will reduce the amount of fat absorbed by the body.

According to Forbes, a 2006 Japanese study on rats found that rodents fed dextrin absorbed less fat than those who weren't fed dextrin. Assuming people work just like rats, this health-ish Pepsi is good to go.

"Indigestible dextrin" is dietary fiber, which means that one of the ways the soda will allegedly help people to cut down on fat is by causing them to poop more. It will also make you feel fuller faster. I love soda.

Unfortunately, it seems unlikely this magic fat-pooping soda will make it to the country where it could do the most good—America—any time soon. Madelyn Fernstrom, the Today Show's diet and nutrition editor, notes that the FDA prevents soda from being fortified with nutrients (like fiber), lest it become Too Good.

Of course, even if the soda ever did make it across our border, perhaps in the form of a Slurpee syrup for the creation of a cool summertime treat, there's no telling what it would taste like.

According to Suntory's press release, the Pepsi will have a "crisp, refreshing, and unique" aftertaste. But, remember when Diet Coke tried to step to the scene with that weak mess "Diet Coke Plus" that looked just like regular delicious Diet Coke but tasted so strongly of awful vitamins that your body, not used to vitamins, just outright rejected it, causing you to vomit everywhere?

Even if it doesn't help prevent weight gain (as pretty much every health and science professional approached for comment has suggested), Pepsi Special is certainly the fanciest Pepsi product on the market.

Suntory says that the use of black and gold in the logo is intended to convey "a sense of luxury."

Funny. Coke conveys a sense luxury just by being Coke.

Ya burnt, Pepsi.

Replies

  • StewStew Im In My Permanent PRhyme We run this spot like a Chinese sweatshopPosts: 36,691 Regulator
    Im not fat so no
  • Young_ChitlinYoung_Chitlin YCN Chief, FCC Member, #RedVelvetSquad Member, IC Task Force General ASUville, PhoenixPosts: 14,312 ✭✭✭✭✭
  • Lou_CypherLou_Cypher I'm a nice guy. AlaskaPosts: 30,131 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Doesnt sound safe. It cant be that easy.
  • dallas' 4 evadallas' 4 eva Dicking down your old lady. Posts: 6,780 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Oh well Pepsi = WOAT soda anyway.
    unspoken_respect
  • jonojono Right fist = power, left fist = unity Posts: 20,271 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I don't drink "soda"/or what we call it "pop".

    Even if I did I wouldn't drink that. It probably will shred your kidney functions
    DMTxTHC
  • DMTxTHCDMTxTHC Posts: 14,218 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November 2012
    jono wrote: »
    I don't drink "soda"/or what we call it "pop".

    Even if I did I wouldn't drink that. It probably will shred your kidney functions

    Cosign this.. plus I'm slim, so there would be no reason for the god to drink that filth..
  • hautehaute Posts: 11,565 ✭✭✭✭✭
    i block fat by not drinking soda???
    KaiSo ILL
  • Michael_MaliceMichael_Malice #YM Posts: 17,292 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Fat bitches gonna buy this by the caseload.
    _Goldie_So ILLtha bause
  • BiblicalAtheist BiblicalAtheist Prude OutskirtsPosts: 11,562 ✭✭✭✭✭
    "crisp, refreshing, and unique" aftertaste
    Translation: tastes like shit, but you'll get used to it
    hauteDMTxTHCYoung_Chitlin
  • Cocoa_ButterCocoa_Butter ค้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้ ค้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้Posts: 1,779 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Nothing good can come of this.
  • BoldChildBoldChild Born alone, die alone. Posts: 11,415 ✭✭✭✭✭
    "Indigestible dextrin" is dietary fiber, which means that one of the ways the soda will allegedly help people to cut down on fat is by causing them to poop more. It will also make you feel fuller faster. I love soda.

    ^ I was thinking, "Damn, niggas gonna have the bubble guts", even before I read this.
  • hueyhuey Posts: 10,001 ✭✭✭✭✭
    lmao none of that is naturally made, it will probably do more harm than good
  • JokerKingJokerKing Вони виявили, Ваш номер STATION в рамках цієї спільноти! Watching Jimmy Fallon With Barbara GordonPosts: 27,614 Regulator
    Its pepsi with xlax
  • KushingtonKushington Posts: 8,011 ✭✭✭✭✭
    nope im not fat
  • So ILLSo ILL Posts: 12,066 ✭✭✭✭✭
    If you're gonna drink pop, might as well drink regular shit. If you want to block fat or lose weight, turn up some water.

    I can't wait until someone orders 2 value meals and a medium one of those Pepsi at Wendy's lol smh
  • leftcoastkevleftcoastkev I've done all the right things the wrong way, and all the wrong things the right way. Posts: 3,834 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November 2012
    Fat people drink soda.

    People drink a lot of soda and get fat.

    Fat people don't wanna be fat.

    Most fat people stay fat until they learn self control.

    So sell fat even people more soda but tell them that they'll be less fat by drinking it.

    Best of both worlds. Soda company makes more money, people don't feel bad about drinking soda.


    Aside from that. Caffeine in soda can be dehydrating. Most people who drink a lot of soda don't drink a lot of water. The fiber if you take in more than a normal amount can make you constipated (a little will make you go). I think if you messed with this stuff, you'd have to drink x2 the normal amount of water behind it or else you'll be one stopped up bloated person.
  • Trollio Trollio Trollololololololololol Posts: 21,887 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Inb4 Charlie fills a pool of soda only to get fatter and stuck in the pool
  • PurrPurr The BBW of your dreams. on my mama, on my hood, i look like fly, i look good. Posts: 30,251 ✭✭✭✭✭
    The Hacker wrote: »
    Inb4 Charlie fills a pool of soda only to get fatter and stuck in the pool

    This is interesting! I prayed to Jesus today that you would say one of your corny fat jokes about me. Amazingly, Jesus has answered my prayers! Hallelujah!! You'se sanctified boy!
  • Trollio Trollio Trollololololololololol Posts: 21,887 ✭✭✭✭✭
    The Hacker wrote: »
    Inb4 Charlie fills a pool of soda only to get fatter and stuck in the pool

    This is interesting! I prayed to Jesus today that you would say one of your corny fat jokes about me. Amazingly, Jesus has answered my prayers! Hallelujah!! You'se sanctified boy!


    White Jesus doesn't love you
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