Knowing how hostile the IC is ima get so fucked up in feelings and "not reading this shit" gifs for this shit but fuck it LOL Ima take my shit like a man... fuck yall... now onto my story
I met a wonderful girl about 3 years ago but didn't begin to date her until about 2 years ago. We were madly in love with each other for a very long time. I'm from NY and she's from a small town in NC and the lifestyles are totally different so I tried helping her adjust. Over a period of time things began to get really difficult for her. She lived in Brooklyn, worked in Manhattan and went to school in Queens. She also didn't meet anyone new or try to obtain an active social life. She would always complain about a very rude manager she had and I tried to help guide her through these problems. I suggested she join a club at school, try to obtain a job with a day shift in the borough she lives. In addition to this, she was extremely clingy and spent about 95% of her free time with me in my house. I began to get overwhelmed and eventually I cheated on her (something I completely regret doing) with a girl from school. When she found out it completely tore her apart because I was the only person she had in NY (even though I wanted her to have more).
I wish i never did it but I felt so suffocated with my own life and trying to help this person be her own individual (which she did not take any initiative to do at all). We got over this eventually and stayed together. She is a person that does not listen to you at all, thinks she knows it all, hates when you are right, and asks everyone else (her parents, friends from out of state, facebook) for advice on the decisions to her problems (in which they will tell her literally the EXACT same things I told her), & she just likes to avoids problems in general. She was not mature at all compared to me as I was forced to be an adult ever since i was a teenager (grew up poor, single parent home, etc). I began to get tired of her and stopped making her feel special and tell her the things I used to like making her feel she was the only girl in my world, and I was mean a lot, something I also regret. A few months later I found out she was cheating on me with a co-worker.
Her whole clingy attitude changed and she began hiding her phone, coming to my house later than normal, etc. When I confronted her about it she began to lie about plenty of things and I caught her in more and more lies. To make a long story short, she could never make a choice between me and this other guy, but basically chose to lie about her interactions with this other person (because she did not want to lose me). She wanted to have her cake and eat it too (and I fully admit that I probably opened the gateway to all of these problems back when I cheated, which did not manifest themselves until now). She is a big drama queen though, and has even made youtube videos apologizing & claiming she wants to fix things, but at the same time she is still talking and having sex with this third party, & I won't be with someone who doesn't want to be with me fully. This other guy has mentioned to her that if she just wants to be friends with him and return to me that's fine (which leads me to believe he is just using her for sex). They've been having sex for a month now.
I love her to death and I always have, I am willing to forgive her and try to fix things, but she is confusing me by saying she wants to fix things but still talking to this other person. I don't know what she wants, but she seems extremely confused and I find it confusing that she would want to throw away 2 years of ups and downs but full of love to be with someone new (whom I know throws a lot of dirt on my name and makes her feel wanted, something I also stopped doing). I wish I could turn back the hands of time to make things better. I always accepted her for her flaws and never thought once of being with someone else. I also understand that sometimes people make mistakes and do bad things, but I love her so much.
Perhaps this is a time where I just have to give her the space she needs to perhaps date other guys or move on from me? She's from the country though and while I'm not saying I'm the best person out there for her...let's face it...she isn't even mature enough to face reality..NY niggas is gonna dog her the fuck out if she chooses to stay here. This is hard to do because I've never loved anyone like I've loved her (and vice-versa), and I don't want to be labeled as a stalker. I would like to know If anyone else has been in such a situation. How should I handle this? Should I move on and never talk to her again? Leave her be? Should I try contacting her again months down the line? Wait and see if she contacts me? Do first loves ever get back together again in the future? We had our children's names planned out, planned a future together, and never thought we would end like this, especially on such negative terms. Today I left a few voicemails voicing my goodbyes and wishing her the best and sent her a few goodbye text messages with some pictures of notes she wrote to me that said we would be together forever. She hasn't contacted me at all in 3 days and changed her facebook picture, however she has all of our pictures up on her Facebook page still. Has she moved on? What should I do?
I really want her back as she was the first person I ever loved and I don't think I will meet another girl that will be as good to me as she was. She bought me so many games, cooked dinner all the time, bought so much food, did good things for me, said sweet things for me , etc. Her negatives was just that she was just too immature...I been through too much shit and my reality aint no fairy tale..... She cant face facts or live in the real world. I gave her emotional support, took her out, bought her jewelry, etc. She taught me what it meant to love someone, we both spent 2 years together and did things with each other that we never did with anyone else, had many inside jokes and we were each others firsts. I taught her that she needed to be more mature, responsible and take care of herself..I guess we both passed onto each other what we grew up with. I definitely could have treated her better, but at the same time it could be me post-rationalizing the breakup as my fault....the truth is she made a lot of mistakes too but I just cant help but feel if i did certain things or said certain things that this would have all turned out differently. I am even more upset because I feel the person she is with is just wants her for the sex and definitely does not and will not put up with her flaws and shortcomings and give her the feeling of being wanted that she really wants. I feel as though if he really wanted her he would have waited for her to completely end things with me before doing anything with her..She is going back to North Carolina on December 21st for Christmas and there is a chance she might stay down there. She has mentioned before that she wanted me to stop her from going there to stay come Dec 21 (which again, doesnt make sense cuz shes still rappin and fuckin with another dude you know? Do you think I should write her a letter to her North carolina house so when she gets there she can read it? Or is this just an L I'm going to have to take no matter what? Speak IC.