Bible Verses & Translations 4 the Modern Day Negro

DarcSkiesDarcSkies Posts: 10,383
edited January 2013 in R & R (Religion and Race)
*back by popular demand...(And by Popular I mean the two people @haute and the other dude whose name I just forgot cuz I smoked too much weed as a teen)...THE BIBLE TRANSLATION THREAD

Post a Bible verse in this thread and I shall translate it in a way that, yes, even you, can understand...

Help me, help you. I'll start it off...

"In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved on the face of the waters."



TRANSLATION: "God, who was black (we know this because he created beings he calls his children, promised to come back & never did, after getting a random bitch pregnant and smooooooth let her husband take care of the damn baby knowing GOTdamned well it wasnt his...) made Earth & outer space.

THE EARTH WAS WITHOUT FORM: Mother Earth was a ratchet ass bitch, sitting with her legs wide open from the west of Pangaea to the East, Mount Everest was the hump on the bitch back. She never learned to sit like a lady. No form at all.

AND DARKNESS WAS IN THE FACE OF THE DEEP: *does more research...puts on reading glasses....SHRUGS & comes to logical conclusion*....APPARENTLY DRO WAS THERE.

AND THE SPIRIT OF GOD MOVED THE WATERS: God farts in the bathtub like everybody else...but yall still worship the nigga like he special or something. Just cuz he can walk on the same water he fart in. Amma let yall cook though.

AMEN...

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Replies

  • Darxwell wrote: »
    *back by popular demand...(And by Popular I mean the two people @haute and the other dude whose name I just forgot cuz I smoked too much weed as a teen)...THE BIBLE TRANSLATION THREAD

    Post a Bible verse in this thread and I shall translate it in a way that, yes, even you, can understand...

    Help me, help you. I'll start it off...

    "In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved on the face of the waters."



    TRANSLATION: "God, who was black (we know this because he created beings he calls his children, promised to come back & never did, after getting a random bitch pregnant and smooooooth let her husband take care of the damn baby knowing GOTdamned well it wasnt his...) made Earth & outer space.

    THE EARTH WAS WITHOUT FORM: Mother Earth was a ratchet ass bitch, sitting with her legs wide open from the west of Pangaea to the East, Mount Everest was the hump on the bitch back. She never learned to sit like a lady. No form at all.

    AND DARKNESS WAS IN THE FACE OF THE DEEP: *does more research...puts on reading glasses....SHRUGS & comes to logical conclusion*....APPARENTLY DRO WAS THERE.

    AND THE SPIRIT OF GOD MOVED THE WATERS: God farts in the bathtub like everybody else...but yall still worship the nigga like he special or something. Just cuz he can walk on the same water he fart in. Amma let yall cook though.

    AMEN...

    flatline.jpg
  • bull6599bull6599 Posts: 6,370
    Ahh!!! I remember the 1st thread. Shit was 1 of the GOATEST threads in IC history!
  • Billy_PonchoBilly_Poncho Posts: 14,183
    edited January 2013
    Jesus Wept- At the time Jesus was a punk, cryin ass bitch nigga, but God in all his gangsta taught him the ways of a real nigga, and he trusted him to teach us how to be real niggas as well
  • I need these translated:

    "Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks." - Psalm 137:9

    "But the commander replied, “Was it only to your master and you that my master sent me to say these things, and not to the people sitting on the wall—who, like you, will have to eat their own excrement and drink their own urine?”" - 2 Kings 18:27

    "Because of the suffering your enemy will inflict on you during the siege, you will eat the fruit of the womb, the flesh of the sons and daughters the Lord your God has given you." - Deuteronomy 28:53
  • lordhonka2lordhonka2 Posts: 1,176
    edited January 2013
    stop it dude shits out of context ......O Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction, happy is he who repays you for what you have done to us- psalms 137.8

    Happy shall he be that taketh ... - Margin, as in Hebrew, rock. This refers to what was not uncommon in ancient warfare, as it is now among savage tribes - the indiscriminate slaughter of those of all ages, and of both sexes, in war. It was expressly foretold of Babylon that this would occur (see Isaiah 13:16, and the notes at that place), and there may be a reference here to that prediction, and the psalmist may mean to say that the man would be accounted happy, or would be happy, who wreaked vengeance on Babylon in carrying out that prophecy. The idea is, "This will certainly occur, for it is foretold, and happy or fortunate will he be who is the instrument in fulfilling it." Compare 2 Kings 8:12; Nahum 3:10; Hosea 13:16. See also Homer, II xxii. 63,373, following It is impossible to reconcile such barbarous customs with the idex of "honorable war," or with the principles of war as carried on among "civilized" nations now.
  • Damn, I ask for a translation and somehow "lordhonka2" seems to have become aggravated.

    This translation shit is serious business.
  • KushingtonKushington Posts: 8,011
    Damn, I ask for a translation and somehow "lordhonka2" seems to have become aggravated.

    This translation shit is serious business.



    Is your everlasting soul "serious business"?

    You wont think blasphemy is funny when your name isnt in the book of life and youre tossed into the lake of fire.

    You need jesus ASAP. But you do have free will, so carry on bruh.
  • hautehaute Posts: 11,556
    You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.

    Exodus 20:4
  • DarcSkiesDarcSkies Posts: 10,383
    haute wrote: »
    thanks boo!!!
    Chronicles 16:34 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
  • NIKE...NIKE... Posts: 3,742
    Rick Ross said God forgives..as shall I for this "thread"
  • KaiKai Posts: 21,093
    Kings 2:23-24
    NKJV
    Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

    Deuteronomy 23:1
    ESV
    No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.

    Genesis 38:8-10
    NASB
    Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife, and perform your duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.

    Ezekiel 23:19-20
    NET
    Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
  • jonojono Posts: 14,648
    This is classic already, but it all the ingredients for a GOAT thread, just needs 'bout a tablespoon more feelings.
  • DarcSkiesDarcSkies Posts: 10,383
    kai_valya wrote: »
    Kings 2:23-24
    NKJV
    Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
    TRANSLATION: So peep. Dude had just came from the barbershop and shit. Freshcut and all that. Dome polished like a mufukka. Ran into some shorties on the block on that hate shit. He was old as fuck but check though nigga...son had a pet bear yo!

    NAHHH! NAH! Straight up yo! No listen listen on my mama that nigga had a bear cuh! WORD UP! Mufukka killed 42 kids nigga...SWEAR ON MY LIFE! 42!
    Deuteronomy 23:1
    ESV
    No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.
    TRANSLATION:
    *Don King Voice*

    If he cant ejaculate, he cant walk through the pearly gates. In high heels with a beard? U better get from round here!
    Genesis 38:8-10
    NASB
    Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife, and perform your duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.
    Translation: WHOA WHOA WHOA...u pulled out?! WORD? Fuck is on your mind homie on some real shit? Do you see these eyes made of fire?

    *creates water on the ground*

    *Stomps all over it*

    Do u see me WALKING on this shit nigga?! Who the fuck are u to disobey a nigga like me? U know what? FUCK IT... I dont have time for this shit I got bitches to fuck *chops off head*
    Ezekiel 23:19-20
    NET
    Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
    Aquafinna is older than we think....
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