What's up everybody! Just a quick message. We will be relaunching AllHipHop.com with the goal of keeping the community front and center. I have worked with Jamal and select moderators, to make sure The Illl Community's needs are being addressed as we evolve. We are encouraging you to use the new platform.

We will NOT be closing the current community, but we will be porting user data over to the new system over time, so please get used to using the new community!

We will be working on it every single day until it's exactly what you want!

Please feel free to join now, test, as we are in beta:

https://www.allhiphop.com

This is what is wrong with some black women

UndefeatableUndefeatable Posts: 1,961 ✭✭✭✭✭
edited June 29 in For The Grown & Sexy
Straight coon shit!


I’m a black woman who doesn’t date black men. Sometimes, I feel guilty about that.

By Alexis Dent

I walked down the cereal aisle in the grocery store, determined to finish my shopping list. As I skimmed my eyes across the rows of boxes, I landed on what I was looking for: a jumbo box of Rice Krispies.

“Good choice,” a deep, bellowing voice confirmed. I turned around and saw a handsome black man waiting patiently, with a cart full of groceries and a warm smile that briefly invigorated my tired spirit after a long day of work. He was wearing a professional outfit, leather dress shoes and a brown wool houndstooth coat with the collar popped. I smiled and apologized for holding him up.

“No problem,” he reassured me with a kind nod.

This encounter was nothing unusual; I frequently have similar encounters with strangers at the grocery store. However, as I strolled past this man’s cart full of baby wipes, pullup diapers, fresh fruit and his own box of Rice Krispies, I felt an immense amount of guilt.

I am a black woman who has never dated a black man, and most days I don’t think twice about that. But sometimes, like when I encounter a well-dressed family man with a mutual love for certain breakfast cereals, I wonder if I am failing my people.

After all, 50 years ago in many states it was still illegal for us to marry anyone who was not also black. The gravity of that is not lost on me. Although race relations are still far from perfect, I acknowledge the steps toward inclusion that we’ve made. Nevertheless, I still feel that, by not dating black men, I’m neglecting the shared history, solidarity and future prosperity of my fellow people.

As a young girl and even throughout college, I was frequently annoyed when my peers would suggest that I would magically find a partner if I exclusively pursued black men. White guys will never love you like black guys, they would say. I resented those comments, believing that my love should not be bound to the color of my skin or anyone else’s.

Even when I have expressed romantic interest in black guys, it has always been a futile effort. That was perhaps the most frustrating aspect of my well-meaning friends’ advice. My experiences date back as early as middle school, when I was infatuated with a black classmate for three years. That all came to a screeching halt when he, fully aware of my crush on him, teased me in front of my friends at my 13th birthday party.

I was 19 the first time a man of color actually expressed halfhearted interest in me; he was a biracial friend who repeatedly asked me out and then repeatedly forced me to pay for these dates. Meanwhile, throughout high school and college, the few black men I knew found my blackness as subpar to theirs. I was criticized for my preppy wardrobe and my music tastes, and on more than one occasion I was accused of wanting to be white.

As time passed, I realized that being black didn’t mean I had to look or act a certain way. I could love my skin and also love Britney Spears and country music. Blackness isn’t homogeneous, but it took me a while to see that.

As a black woman, I wanted to be seen as attractive to more than just black men. This wasn’t simply because I’ve always believed in inclusivity, but also because I grew up surrounded by white people. If I waited for a black guy who liked me to apparate out of thin air, I would have waited a decade. But even if my options for black men were limitless, I’ve never viewed attraction as black or white.

Black guys have more easily understood my gripes about my hair or institutional injustice. But I’ve long known that there is no such thing as a perfect partner. I’ve simply focused on finding a great man. Along the way, I’ve dated white guys who wanted to learn about blackness; white guys who pretended my blackness didn’t exist; a Jewish guy who was well-meaning but politically infuriating; and a Honduran man who promptly ditched me for my best friend. None of them have been the right fit for me, but that wasn’t because they weren’t black.

My best match so far has been a blue-eyed engineer with perfect teeth. More important than his looks are his kind heart and gentle spirit. I’ve gladly shared my version of black love with him. For us, that means learning about each other’s cultures. He teaches me about German beer and soccer chants; I familiarize him with my Caribbean culture and Jamaican cuisine. Together, we like to listen to Lauryn Hill’s music and watch soul-stirring documentaries on incarceration. But the aspect of our love that I’m most grateful for is that I’m finally loved because of my Afro-Caribbean heritage, not in spite of it.

Still, at times I feel ashamed for dating outside my race. I am an ally to my people, but I have not connected with them in the deepest way possible — romantic love. How can I support the advancement of black people if I have never let down my walls for a black man myself?

It’s not that I am not happy in my current relationship. I am. Rather, I am torn between the progressiveness I naturally pursue and the regressive nature of a society that still makes me feel “less black” for dating a white man.

That day in the grocery store, I stood in the checkout line behind that handsome black man with the Rice Krispies. He was now joined by a small toddler and a very pregnant wife. He embraced his wife and child lovingly as she brought a pint of Ben & Jerry’s to the cart at the last minute.

His wife and I caught eyes, and I flashed her a smile.

I am not dating a black man, and I feel less guilty about it each day. Sometimes the smallest of encounters remind me that love should not be bound by rules, and definitely not by race.


https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2016/12/14/im-a-black-woman-whos-never-dated-a-black-man-sometimes-i-feel-guilty-about-that/?utm_term=.22253cea82a3
«13

Replies

  • UndefeatableUndefeatable Posts: 1,961 ✭✭✭✭✭
    As a black woman, I wanted to be seen as attractive to more than just black men.

    This is why a lot of these black women obsess over white men.

    texasdaking88CashmoneyDuxPureYang
  • fortyacresfortyacres Posts: 4,362 Regulator
    As a black woman, I wanted to be seen as attractive to more than just black men.

    This is why a lot of these black women obsess over white men.

    this statement is statistically inaccurate.
    t9lvnfedvkbh.gif

    Thanos 3:16 says.."I just whooped your ass!!!"

    t5xa5bavxbd2.gif
    giphy.gif
  • UndefeatableUndefeatable Posts: 1,961 ✭✭✭✭✭
    fortyacres wrote: »
    As a black woman, I wanted to be seen as attractive to more than just black men.

    This is why a lot of these black women obsess over white men.

    this statement is statistically inaccurate.

    Can you elaborate?
  • UndefeatableUndefeatable Posts: 1,961 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Even when I have expressed romantic interest in black guys, it has always been a futile effort.

    Does anybody believe this? Like really, niggas ain't interested in her? She is far from unattractive.
    dontdiedontkillanyon
  • Preach2TeachPreach2Teach I can't swim but my soul wont drown. Posts: 3,408 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I wish I could get a black women, I love black people as a whole they are cool as fuck.
    tumblr_mkjxwejtaA1r6y219o1_500.gif
    goldenjaTrillfateAlpha_Ambition kingtob330rip.dillaR0mpBusta Carmichael OmegaConflicttexasdaking88BusterBreezeBuilt 4 cuban linxonetoughmiracleCashmoneyDux$ineedmoney$Like WaterPureYangdontdiedontkillanyonanduin
  • UndefeatableUndefeatable Posts: 1,961 ✭✭✭✭✭
    charles2 wrote: »
    I think people put emphasis on race when that's not the case. This is a cultural thing.

    She grew up around certain white folks and learned to like certain white things.

    That prevented her from being attracted to and getting attention from certain black men.

    Had she said she's unattracted to dark skin, then it's a race thing.

    No, it's a race thing. She most likely feels more special being with a white man than a black one. Like she is "chosen." A white man probably boosts her self-esteem more than a man.
    Go figure
  • UndefeatableUndefeatable Posts: 1,961 ✭✭✭✭✭
    fortyacres wrote: »
    fortyacres wrote: »
    As a black woman, I wanted to be seen as attractive to more than just black men.

    This is why a lot of these black women obsess over white men.

    this statement is statistically inaccurate.

    Can you elaborate?

    there is no emperical data that there are alot of women like here right or wrong.

    most black women tend to marry, date or support black men thats just fact. Why focus on her ?

    You may have misunderstood me. I am saying that a lot of the black women who obsess over white men obsess for the reason mentioned.

    Also, not everywhere is the same.
  • fortyacresfortyacres Posts: 4,362 Regulator
    fortyacres wrote: »
    fortyacres wrote: »
    As a black woman, I wanted to be seen as attractive to more than just black men.

    This is why a lot of these black women obsess over white men.

    this statement is statistically inaccurate.

    Can you elaborate?

    there is no emperical data that there are alot of women like here right or wrong.

    most black women tend to marry, date or support black men thats just fact. Why focus on her ?

    You may have misunderstood me. I am saying that a lot of the black women who obsess over white men obsess for the reason mentioned.

    Also, not everywhere is the same.

    but why focus on her when she is clearly in the minority ? It would be a point of discussion if there was a big migration of black women to white men which is practically impossible at the moment, which there is nothing wrong with that (interracial dating that is) but would also have to have all the black women who date white men share those same thoughts which there is not data to measure.
    t9lvnfedvkbh.gif

    Thanos 3:16 says.."I just whooped your ass!!!"

    t5xa5bavxbd2.gif
    giphy.gif
  • LcnsdbyROYALTYLcnsdbyROYALTY King of Myself Posts: 13,401 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Smash if she ever come back to our side.
    Already Home_17dontdiedontkillanyon
  • UndefeatableUndefeatable Posts: 1,961 ✭✭✭✭✭
    fortyacres wrote: »
    fortyacres wrote: »
    fortyacres wrote: »
    As a black woman, I wanted to be seen as attractive to more than just black men.

    This is why a lot of these black women obsess over white men.

    this statement is statistically inaccurate.

    Can you elaborate?

    there is no emperical data that there are alot of women like here right or wrong.

    most black women tend to marry, date or support black men thats just fact. Why focus on her ?

    You may have misunderstood me. I am saying that a lot of the black women who obsess over white men obsess for the reason mentioned.

    Also, not everywhere is the same.

    but why focus on her when she is clearly in the minority ? It would be a point of discussion if there was a big migration of black women to white men which is practically impossible at the moment, which there is nothing wrong with that (interracial dating that is) but would also have to have all the black women who date white men share those same thoughts which there is not data to measure.

    They are not clearly a minority where I live now, where it is mostly Jamaicans and other West Indians.

    It would be better if we had the kind of data that you are talking about, but I am going by certain things I have observed.
    5th Letter
  • Go figureGo figure the GoPosts: 4,561 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Even when I have expressed romantic interest in black guys, it has always been a futile effort.

    Does anybody believe this? Like really, niggas ain't interested in her? She is far from unattractive.

    What the picture does not tell the eye is that she may smell like mayonnaise and corn flakes...or maybe bologna. And might 'talk like a white girl' or have the 'demeanor' and those guys notice/smell it
    iwslmt.jpg
  • b'mer...b'mer... Posts: 1,119 ✭✭✭✭✭
  • count  remycount remy Posts: 391 ✭✭✭✭
    Lol@ them contacts. I'm suppose to take that bitch seriously? She look like one of them blind water moccasins. Smh... there's a whole subculture, mostly women, that fell validated by who they fuck. I got called "a straight" by this gay girl at work the other day. I just thought to myself, "who you fuck makes up that much of your identity?" I just attributed it one of those extrovert things I'd never understand.
    blackgod813CashmoneyDuxKaigoldenja
  • PlutarchPlutarch A Tribe Called Fresh Philly, PA, by way of Ca$hville, TNPosts: 3,236 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I could care less

    This will forever be my sentiment.

    Side note: I think you (and so many other people) mean that you couldn't care less. Not being a dick, just letting you know.
    onetoughmiraclePureYangDoubleShotHelixgoldenja
«13
Sign In or Register to comment.