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Seems like women dont keep it real with other women before marriage

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  • NYCeeCeeNYCeeCee Posts: 1,691
    kai_valya wrote: »
    NYCeeCee wrote: »
    bgoat wrote: »
    The Lonious Monk wrote: »
    Consistency is something that's often overlooked, but there is an old saying that you should never go into a relationship doing things that you're not willing to do forever, and that's true. This is an area where men mess up the most. Because often dudes go into a relationship trying to be a superhero in order to impress the chick. 2 months down the line he's burnt out on that shit and starts to behave normally. At that point the chick is unhappy and thinks he's changed, but the truth is, he hasn't changed, now he's being himself and he's screwed himself over because he's gotten her used to some unrealistic shit.

    This my problem. But the thing is I don't be doing unrealistic shit to impress, I just don't understand the reason I got to tell you "I Love You" 57 times a day.

    Only an insecure person needs to be told "I love you" multiple times a day.

    i don't think it's too strange to say i love you every time you part or say goodbye on the phone. you never know when it'll be the last time you see/hear from your loved one. i think i'm very verbally affectionate cuz i grew up in a family that was always saying i love all the time. i can see how it'd feel strange to say it all the time if you're not used to that tho

    Oh no, I don't think it's strange either. I'm a natural mush, so I love that kind of stuff....but I don't needit. It's just nice to hear. Truthfully, though...I'd much rather him tell me specific things that he loves/likes about me. That just tells me that he's really paying attention and not just saying "I love you" b/c I'm his wife and that's what he's supposed to do.

    There are some people who feel like they have to hear it to feel secure...like if he doesn't say it, then he doesn't love her. That's how @bgoat's post read.
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  • Elzo69RevolutionsElzo69Revolutions Posts: 13,541
    BK Product wrote: »
    If you've lived with someone for say 5 years (yall already sharing assests/money and responsibillities) and yall decide to get married...what changes?

    Im trying to ask my brother that right now without looking like a hater...
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  • bgoatbgoat Posts: 1,850
    NYCeeCee wrote: »
    kai_valya wrote: »
    NYCeeCee wrote: »
    bgoat wrote: »
    The Lonious Monk wrote: »
    Consistency is something that's often overlooked, but there is an old saying that you should never go into a relationship doing things that you're not willing to do forever, and that's true. This is an area where men mess up the most. Because often dudes go into a relationship trying to be a superhero in order to impress the chick. 2 months down the line he's burnt out on that shit and starts to behave normally. At that point the chick is unhappy and thinks he's changed, but the truth is, he hasn't changed, now he's being himself and he's screwed himself over because he's gotten her used to some unrealistic shit.

    This my problem. But the thing is I don't be doing unrealistic shit to impress, I just don't understand the reason I got to tell you "I Love You" 57 times a day.

    Only an insecure person needs to be told "I love you" multiple times a day.

    i don't think it's too strange to say i love you every time you part or say goodbye on the phone. you never know when it'll be the last time you see/hear from your loved one. i think i'm very verbally affectionate cuz i grew up in a family that was always saying i love all the time. i can see how it'd feel strange to say it all the time if you're not used to that tho

    Oh no, I don't think it's strange either. I'm a natural mush, so I love that kind of stuff....but I don't needit. It's just nice to hear. Truthfully, though...I'd much rather him tell me specific things that he loves/likes about me. That just tells me that he's really paying attention and not just saying "I love you" b/c I'm his wife and that's what he's supposed to do.

    There are some people who feel like they have to hear it to feel secure...like if he doesn't say it, then he doesn't love her. That's how @bgoat's post read.

    That's exactly how it was.
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  • Du_DuDu_Du Posts: 32,943
    13X wrote: »
    I wish u the best in your marriage dog...
    This is just a discussion... Your logic is flawed... Y'all the ones who can't provide tangible differences btw marriage and a ltr outside of legal entanglement. Your attempt to make this shit into a debate about the specific differences between every relationship is amusing as fuck...
    i appreciate the well wishes....

    but my argument would seem flawed if what your looking for isn't what is the defining difference...

    being married vs being in a ltr is the same as being a christian vs being an atheist....

    i keep saying over and over and over again it's subscribing tot he same belief system, going on a certain journey together.....

    these are terms to represent the religious and spiritual aspect of our relationship......


    while some people do get married for legal reasons....

    many couples get married because of their spiritual growth together, and the faith that their partner is equipped to take that journey with them..

    again if these are concepts you don't subscribe to or believe i, then again i wouldn't' recommend you get married...

    it's all about what works best with that particular couple...
    NYCeeCee
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  • MsSouthernMsSouthern Posts: 10,986
    In Texas you also have to present yourself as man and wife

    like on documents such as a lease or tax return


    Problem with common law marriage is there is no common law divorce. If you say you are common law married then you have to get a divorce to end the relationship. Parties are entitled to community assests too
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  • kai_valyakai_valya Posts: 17,066
    NYCeeCee wrote: »
    kai_valya wrote: »
    NYCeeCee wrote: »
    bgoat wrote: »
    The Lonious Monk wrote: »
    Consistency is something that's often overlooked, but there is an old saying that you should never go into a relationship doing things that you're not willing to do forever, and that's true. This is an area where men mess up the most. Because often dudes go into a relationship trying to be a superhero in order to impress the chick. 2 months down the line he's burnt out on that shit and starts to behave normally. At that point the chick is unhappy and thinks he's changed, but the truth is, he hasn't changed, now he's being himself and he's screwed himself over because he's gotten her used to some unrealistic shit.

    This my problem. But the thing is I don't be doing unrealistic shit to impress, I just don't understand the reason I got to tell you "I Love You" 57 times a day.

    Only an insecure person needs to be told "I love you" multiple times a day.

    i don't think it's too strange to say i love you every time you part or say goodbye on the phone. you never know when it'll be the last time you see/hear from your loved one. i think i'm very verbally affectionate cuz i grew up in a family that was always saying i love all the time. i can see how it'd feel strange to say it all the time if you're not used to that tho

    Oh no, I don't think it's strange either. I'm a natural mush, so I love that kind of stuff....but I don't needit. It's just nice to hear. Truthfully, though...I'd much rather him tell me specific things that he loves/likes about me. That just tells me that he's really paying attention and not just saying "I love you" b/c I'm his wife and that's what he's supposed to do.

    There are some people who feel like they have to hear it to feel secure...like if he doesn't say it, then he doesn't love her. That's how @bgoat's post read.

    great points, i can agree with this
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  • Mr. WhatchasayMr. Whatchasay Posts: 2,363
    Elzo69Reloaded wrote: »
    BK Product wrote: »
    If you've lived with someone for say 5 years (yall already sharing assests/money and responsibillities) and yall decide to get married...what changes?

    Im trying to ask my brother that right now without looking like a hater...
    dont shit change, I been with my wife for 12years, 2 of em being married, so aside from having to put the government in ya business it'll be the same

    Unless you or your s/o are the type of people that only commit fully when ur married
    13Xdnyce215
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  • DreadsRIGHTDreadsRIGHT Posts: 300
    Nah du im happy for you man, keep it going playboy you on the right path.

    You still a clown for that line though LOL!!!
    13X
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  • Lil LocaLil Loca Posts: 9,138
    I'm not the sort of person who tells my friends what to do when it comes to their love lives. The first friend of mine to get married was a hard case. I wish I would have said something to her about it, but I just think it was something she would have to figure out with her man, and not me.
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  • pralimspralims Posts: 7,662
    Lil Loca wrote: »
    I'm not the sort of person who tells my friends what to do when it comes to their love lives. The first friend of mine to get married was a hard case. I wish I would have said something to her about it, but I just think it was something she would have to figure out with her man, and not me.

    but your not telling them how to run their love life...its more about...knowing what to expect.
    my closest freind kept it 100% real with me....i didnt listen but i can never say i wasnt told something nor can i blame her for everything that may have went wrong when i was told what to expect.
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  • pralimspralims Posts: 7,662
    Mr. Whatchasay wrote: »
    Elzo69Reloaded wrote: »
    BK Product wrote: »
    If you've lived with someone for say 5 years (yall already sharing assests/money and responsibillities) and yall decide to get married...what changes?

    Im trying to ask my brother that right now without looking like a hater...
    dont shit change, I been with my wife for 12years, 2 of em being married, so aside from having to put the government in ya business it'll be the same

    Unless you or your s/o are the type of people that only commit fully when ur married

    so what exactly is commiting fully?

    i hear this alot an dont know what it means...why be in a longterm relationship if you are not commited fully
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  • The Lonious MonkThe Lonious Monk Posts: 8,357
    ItsKatBitches wrote: »
    Agreed @ Drea
    The Lonious Monk wrote: »
    Only scandalous ass dudes and scuzzbucket ass hoes think this way. There is no reason that you should have to lie to a person you thinking about spending the rest of your life with. Complete honest and full disclosure are two different things. It might not be necessary to make your life an open book and telling your partner every little dirty detail, but there shouldn't ever be a reason to lie. And by lie I'm talking about on significant shit not silly little white lies everyone tells.

    I can agree with this.

    I just meant every little detail in life does not to be disclosed and discussed.

    True, that usually results in more harm than good.
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  • afrobandittafrobanditt Posts: 54
    Women are conditioned from childhood to believe in a fairytale, that love is as easy as finding your "soulmate." I keep it as real as I can and tell them that the sooner they stop believing that bs, the sooner they'll be happier in their relationship.

    Apparently this mindset makes me bitter lmao
    bgoatDreadsRIGHTjsnowpro
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  • BlackThor356BlackThor356 Posts: 754
    well im in Florida, so aint none of that common law shit down hea...

    as far as im concerned there are SLIGHT differences in the day to day life of a married vs a co habitating couple, but very slight.

    since marriage is about the assest like ms southern said, then men should ONLY marry women with assests or get that pre nup or not get married, and i think todays men are getting alot smarter where that is concerned seeing as how the rate of marriage in America is dropping http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/14/marriage-rates-in-america_n_1147290.html
    DreadsRIGHT
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  • The Lonious MonkThe Lonious Monk Posts: 8,357
    BlackThor356 wrote: »
    well im in Florida, so aint none of that common law shit down hea...

    as far as im concerned there are SLIGHT differences in the day to day life of a married vs a co habitating couple, but very slight.

    since marriage is about the assest like ms southern said, then men should ONLY marry women with assests or get that pre nup or not get married, and i think todays men are getting alot smarter where that is concerned seeing as how the rate of marriage in America is dropping http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/14/marriage-rates-in-america_n_1147290.html

    Or you could...I don't know...marry a chick that's actually marriage material. If you don't want to get married, that's cool, but it's not like every dude out there wants to just run around doing the bachelor thing for life. There are lots of guys who do get burnt out on that whole thing and want and someone they can share their life with.
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  • DreadsRIGHTDreadsRIGHT Posts: 300
    "marriage material" isnt concrete

    "good guy/girl" isnt concrete either

    Shits all subjective its really all about the work you put in and the patience you have with the person.
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  • a.manna.mann Posts: 13,592
    edited April 2012
    Haul Judos wrote: »
    13X wrote: »
    Only diff between marriage and a ltr is paperwork... Foh

    only people who say that are people who don't take the step of marriage seriously.....

    if you look at marriage as just paperwork, then you'd prolly be best served to not get married at all...


    what changes?

    you can't love your s/o any more than you already do.

    The Lord?

    God doesn't acknowledge "man's law". That's the only thing that changes..."legally bonded". Filing your taxes

    That's the realilty of marriage, everything else is just romanticism

    BK Productol_buddy
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  • pralimspralims Posts: 7,662
    leftcoastkev wrote: »
    Taking sex out of the picture (which is huge), but...........to keep it 100.

    (This applies to typical folks, not those "about that life")

    Most women say they want honesty that I've met simply like to be lied to, and men comply. Actually like to in order to get somewhere with her. Not to blame women, but it seems like when you pump a woman's head up she actually takes and runs with it believes that to her core. Being a guy, women think they gotta feed my ego as well, but we don't actually believe that shit when women tell us this that or the other (well, the dumb ones do). As a "man" it's part of our job to "man up" and accept ourselves for who we are and roll with that.

    Now if you the type to pump a woman's head up with everything she wanna hear and you get into a serious relationship with her, you'll get a lot of short term benefits but once reality set in a lot of long term problems. But unfortunately outside of certain lifestyles for guys...........9 times out of 10 the most attractive guy (to her) and/or smoothest liar will "get" the most attention from the woman. So the guy who doesn't lie and paint the pictures the woman like to see themselves as are more likely to get outdone by a guy who does.

    Women love puzzles, figuring shit out, and the excitement & adventure of a relationship in order to get to the next level.....,then the next level. A lot of women will happily do stuff they don't like to "make us happy" and "win us over" to make sure they eliminate your "need" for other women, since they "doing they job". At the same time, women will overlook all of the BS we men do in order to get to win us over, but after they win us over (all other women/competition is out of the picture), get married, and have kids....what else is really left? Reality of the person that you are with. Their personality and behaviors. Once the games are over, reality sets in and the fairytale is over. The men ain't trying to lie to you anymore, the women ain't trying to win us over either.
    On the way to get to marriage, women "want to see" certain things in a certain light, men like to cultivate that situation as well to look better. Again, once the game (chase) is over, unless you have a true baseline of commonalities, personalities, and respect even during disagreements it will likely fall apart.

    I ain't blaming women totally it's actually 50/50 in the everyday typical square relationship, but this is just a guys point of view.

    The bolded gets overlooked alot..
    ppl dont know how to fight and be respectfful at the same time
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  • SionSion Posts: 12,270
    *in salty nigga voice* Women are in love with the wedding day not the marriage...
    BK ProductLoo.LooWild Self
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  • a.manna.mann Posts: 13,592
    edited April 2012
    13X wrote: »
    I'm saying that marriage is only DIFFERENT from a ltr in terms of paperwork and legal shit... And u folks can't even provide one tangible difference outside of that...


    because in the eye's of The Lord
    there is know difference

    The eye's of The Law?

    Oh yeah.......
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  • The Lonious MonkThe Lonious Monk Posts: 8,357
    DreadsRIGHT wrote: »
    "marriage material" isnt concrete

    "good guy/girl" isnt concrete either

    Shits all subjective its really all about the work you put in and the patience you have with the person.

    True. The point is if you do you due diligence in screening a potential partner and building and maintaining a real relationship. It can last. People act like the shit is impossible, and maybe nowadays it's more difficult, but that has a lot to do with the moral degradation of the country in general. Couples in my parent's generation are going on 30 - 40 years of marriage. Couples in my grandparent's generation are going on 50 - 60. Marriages can work, but nowadays people don't go into them wisely, don't take the time to build the relationship, and are quick to abandon it all as soon as shit gets a little tough.

    jsnowpro
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  • Mr. WhatchasayMr. Whatchasay Posts: 2,363
    pralims wrote: »
    Mr. Whatchasay wrote: »
    Elzo69Reloaded wrote: »
    BK Product wrote: »
    If you've lived with someone for say 5 years (yall already sharing assests/money and responsibillities) and yall decide to get married...what changes?

    Im trying to ask my brother that right now without looking like a hater...
    dont shit change, I been with my wife for 12years, 2 of em being married, so aside from having to put the government in ya business it'll be the same

    Unless you or your s/o are the type of people that only commit fully when ur married

    so what exactly is commiting fully?

    i hear this alot an dont know what it means...why be in a longterm relationship if you are not commited fully
    Generally speaking your girl could be harboring fugitive dick and not be willing to give it up til you put a ring on it, is an example of not fully committing
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  • black caesarblack caesar Posts: 5,573
    It's called the "Cinderella complex" Some (not all) women were conditioned by fairy tales. Some just chose to ignore the fact that it takes work, and compromises have to be made.
    Wild Self
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  • leftcoastkevleftcoastkev Posts: 1,976
    edited April 2012
    kai_valya wrote: »
    NYCeeCee wrote: »
    bgoat wrote: »
    The Lonious Monk wrote: »
    Consistency is something that's often overlooked, but there is an old saying that you should never go into a relationship doing things that you're not willing to do forever, and that's true. This is an area where men mess up the most. Because often dudes go into a relationship trying to be a superhero in order to impress the chick. 2 months down the line he's burnt out on that shit and starts to behave normally. At that point the chick is unhappy and thinks he's changed, but the truth is, he hasn't changed, now he's being himself and he's screwed himself over because he's gotten her used to some unrealistic shit.

    This my problem. But the thing is I don't be doing unrealistic shit to impress, I just don't understand the reason I got to tell you "I Love You" 57 times a day.

    Only an insecure person needs to be told "I love you" multiple times a day.

    i don't think it's too strange to say i love you every time you part or say goodbye on the phone. you never know when it'll be the last time you see/hear from your loved one. i think i'm very verbally affectionate cuz i grew up in a family that was always saying i love you all the time. i can see how it'd feel strange to say it all the time if you're not used to that tho


    But a lot of women say "I love you" and "I miss you" just to hear it back. If you play into that game, it becomes robotic and loses it's meaning to the person saying it.
    BK Product
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