Keystyle Freestyle

Legend24 · July 2010

Grant me entry to the room when I'm ready to spit
Don't let me in I'ma take your sedan and coupe it
Don't give two shits when I rip two doors off it
Like a lunatic on acid, my attitude suffers a drastic
change. I'm de-ranged like I just lost my rover
So don't play soldier when I give you the cold shoulder
Or your girl gon feel like a boulder roll over her when i bone her
Have my boner console her, play with her, she the controller
If x marks the spot I'll put my joystick in her box
Jerk it around a bit, try to hit that g-score on her twat
I don't game a lot, I'm more of a one night stand
So don't think long term when you mapping out plans
Cause you get lost on the way, no compass
And when you bump this, you'll be reminded that you sunk this low
Fuck this ho then fuck her, it's on to the next yo
Better bet I'ma vet bro
Money over bitches, so tell me, where the dough at
I don't jump outta windows, I'm more of a macbook pro cat
Paper chasin like you lost a 20 in the wind on the beach
Too big to be runnin through streets, but bitches gotta eat
Roll up on a brotha for a meal like I'm on some simp shit
Which is when I fill then kill, yea, I'm on that OJ Simpson.

I don't really do any battle rapping/writing these days but I'm trying to get the imagination flowing again and come up with some creative and interesting lines, which is why this piece doesn't really have a subject matter. Feedback is cool... thanks.

Tha Killer · July 2010

I'm going to tell you like I told the last 2-3 people who've made threads in here since I've made the rules thread. Peep Rules #3 and #4 and drop those links or I'll have to close your thread. After you drop those links I'ma give you my honest feedback on your verse.

Legend24 · July 2010

Tha Killer wrote: »

I'm going to tell you like I told the last 2-3 people who've made threads in here since I've made the rules thread. Peep Rules #3 and #4 and drop those links or I'll have to close your thread. After you drop those links I'ma give you my honest feedback on your verse.

My bad... good rule.

http://community.allhiphop.com/showthread.php?47467-Untitled-(Random-Bars)
http://community.allhiphop.com/showthread.php?29473-Love-Verse

Tha Killer · July 2010

Legend24 wrote: »

Grant me entry to the room when I'm ready to spit
Don't let me in I'ma take your sedan and coupe it
Don't give two shits when I rip two doors off it

Bad intro. In any song/verse/keystyle you gotta start off strong because people only remember the first and last few bars. I'm sure it would be better if we could actually HEAR but since it's in keysyle form, you started this off on a very generic note. The bolded was a great use of multisyllabic rhyming though. :tu

Like a lunatic on acid, my attitude suffers a drastic
change. I'm de-ranged like I just lost my rover
So don't play soldier when I give you the cold shoulder
Or your girl gon feel like a boulder roll over her when i bone her

Seriously dude? This is the best you got? I've seen some of your WTE drops and your other RTM joint and I must say that you show some pretty good potential, and because of that, I'm gonna hold you to a higher standard when I see you drop. This was some bland braggadocio shit that you'd hear my 10 year old cousin spit. I know you can do so much better than this. Even on a braggadocious joint, you gotta say and spit something unique since EVERYBODY in Hip-Hop thinks they're the shit. What makes you any better or worse than those niggas?

Have my boner console her, play with her, she the controller
If x marks the spot I'll put my joystick in her box
Jerk it around a bit, try to hit that g-score on her twat

I'll go easy on you with this boner/joystick/controller line. If you had worded it a bit differently, it would have made for a rather exceptional punchline, but the way you executed it left a little to be desired. I do like your effort though. You're on a roll with these multis. I dig that you're trying to use wordplay, and I like the effort, but I know you can do better than that.

I don't game a lot, I'm more of a one night stand
So don't think long term when you mapping out plans
Cause you get lost on the way, no compass
And when you bump this, you'll be reminded that you sunk this low

I almost forgot that this was a freestyle, so the fact that you've been so consistent with these great uses of multis is awesome. But I'd like to see you drop more 'cause this stanza is still full of filler. I've been waiting for that killer punchline but it's been ghost so far.

Fuck this ho then fuck her, it's on to the next yo
Better bet I'ma vet bro
Money over bitches, so tell me, where the dough at
I don't jump outta windows, I'm more of a macbook pro cat

Even off the top of the dome, you can do so much better than this man. Get money fuck bitches ain't the kind of lines you wanna kick if you want people to take you seriously in a cypher. The Bolded Underlined part was pretty nice. It almost makes up for that lack of a killer punchline that I was talking about. I still think you could have worded it a little more cleverly though.

Paper chasin like you lost a 20 in the wind on the beach
Too big to be runnin through streets, but bitches gotta eat
Roll up on a brotha for a meal like I'm on some simp shit
Which is when I fill then kill, yea, I'm on that OJ Simpson.

Once again you leave a lot to be desired with your last few lines, and this lukewarm ending doesn't really make one forget all of the filler before it. I ain't tryin' to be TOO harsh on ya, but I think you should take your sweet time on the next drop. That's how I taught myself to freestyle. First I did it slow, and then with repetition I got pretty fast at it.

I don't really do any battle rapping/writing these days but I'm trying to get the imagination flowing again and come up with some creative and interesting lines, which is why this piece doesn't really have a subject matter. Feedback is cool... thanks.

Overall, I think it was a good freestyle for somebody who doesn't really do it and is relatively new to the craft. I would just like to see more of your drops where you actually took time to write it and execute a concept. Keep at it though man.

supaman4321 · July 2010

Legend24 wrote: »

Grant me entry to the room when I'm ready to spit
Don't let me in I'ma take your sedan and coupe it
Don't give two shits when I rip two doors off it
Like a lunatic on acid, my attitude suffers a drastic
change. I'm de-ranged like I just lost my rover
So don't play soldier when I give you the cold shoulder
Or your girl gon feel like a boulder roll over her when i bone her
Have my boner console her, play with her, she the controller
If x marks the spot I'll put my joystick in her box
Jerk it around a bit, try to hit that g-score on her twat
I don't game a lot, I'm more of a one night stand
So don't think long term when you mapping out plans
Cause you get lost on the way, no compass
And when you bump this, you'll be reminded that you sunk this low
Fuck this ho then fuck her, it's on to the next yo
Better bet I'ma vet bro
Money over bitches, so tell me, where the dough at
I don't jump outta windows, I'm more of a macbook pro cat
Paper chasin like you lost a 20 in the wind on the beach
Too big to be runnin through streets, but bitches gotta eat
Roll up on a brotha for a meal like I'm on some simp shit
Which is when I fill then kill, yea, I'm on that OJ Simpson.

I don't really do any battle rapping/writing these days but I'm trying to get the imagination flowing again and come up with some creative and interesting lines, which is why this piece doesn't really have a subject matter. Feedback is cool... thanks.

pretty nice freestyle keystyle could've had a LOT of great bars if you would've worded some of them slightly different I think because you can tell the ideas were there but the execution was a bit off I was feelin the paper chasin line it's pretty vivid and it actually made me laugh out loud a little bit, overall I think you just need to do it more and you'll get your delivery down, I think this would work better hearin it but as it stands as a keystyle you can feel the punches but they don't hit as hard as they could potentially, keep it up though.

Legend24 · July 2010

Thanks for the input. I like the brutal honesty... I'ma drop harder next time. I was never really into what I consider "mindless bragging" but I gotta get more creative with it and leave an imprint, something people will remember. I liked my lines but y'all is right, there's nothing memorable there.

djparamnesia · July 2010

I liked it, well written, I do like lyrics with a bit more meaning though or thought provoking lines, but as far as straight rhyming, i liked it,

beatsbyjtb · July 2010

Dope. I really like the first four bars.

Sharoyceantwan · July 2010

I like the lines that you incorporated the gaming stuff within.
You record? Maybe we can collab

Legend24 · July 2010

Sharoyceantwan wrote: »

I like the lines that you incorporated the gaming stuff within.
You record? Maybe we can collab

Thanks for the feedback.

I'm not doing any recording at the moment but I'll let you know if I do. Send me some of your stuff though, wouldn't mind hearing it.

JefftheProducer · July 2010

dope. i liked a few lines in there man

WalterArcher · July 2010

Hi,That is really nice comment posted here.I like it that is really awesome.Actually Keystyle is the text version of freestyle. It was originally used for a quick verse is written without the usual deadline, the rhyming structure, not polished.

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