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The REAL Sex Talk

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The REAL Sex Talk

2 months ago :: Oct 15, 2008 - 05:49PM #1
Aloma Posts: 60	Since my first thread had a good response and yielded great feedback. I gonna address this issue I touched on briefly. I'm not a fan of sex, specifically sexual intercourse. Some of my girls have told me that its the EXs (3) I've date's fault not mine. I don't think this is necessarily true....I have not dated much or had many boyfriends. But the boyfriends that I have (in real relationships) have been experienced, patient, and somewhat supportative. I ususally limit sexual contact by slowing the progression of the relationship. I don't talk much in general so phone calls are like 1xweek for like 20 min. Dates are usually 2-3x month. I find that I get a 6 week (6 dates) window for sexual contact. Usually I'll slowly move from hand holding to kissing. When sexual contact does come in, its usually touching or oral sex. (I've made sure to be really good at giving head. It was my first bf's idea, he said if you don't wanna have sex, you better give some crazy head...ok, I learned). For some reason, sex is painful, sometimes its a horror movie with lots of screaming (bad, pain filled yells) and blood. My EXs usually go from expressing concern, trying to fix the problem, annoyance , and then checking out of the relationship. I talked to my most recent Ex (broke up 8 months ago) about this. He offered some interesting insight. Here are his points: 1. His first impression of me was I was cute, quite, and petite (I'm 5'2, 115lbs). And a good girl, I speak proper English no slang, never swear. He also thought that all these things pointed to me being a freak. Cuz I'm repressed or something. 2. 4 months into, he noticed we had sex once. He started to realized that I was avoiding it. Also, I really didn't like it. (I find it so invasive, someone acutally inside of my body! :( 3. He didn't break it off but did not want to fully committ. He knew that he could not be wit a chick that hates sex but he also knew that I was nice and sweet. He said that aside from the sex, I cause little stress. I don't expect frequent phone calls, I have a nice figure, I'm affectionate (love the hand holding and kissing), and a good cook. 4.I'm smart, I went to undergrad and grad school. Love to talk about politics, books, pop culture. He was a technian, I liked hearing about how he fixed machines (really its pretty cool). But with all these good things going for me....how important is sex to men? How do I get over this sex thing? I mean I've tried doing it....doesn't help.
2 months ago :: Oct 15, 2008 - 05:59PM #2
-rewind Posts: 7758	hmmmm 1. so you dont like going on dates 2. dont like talking on the phone 3. dont like having sex 4. You Give superhead (you kinda look like her in ur avi) I say you should consider becoming a jumpoff. Tha way, you (1)wont have to go out all of the time, (2) will never have to talk on the phone aside from the occasional talk, (3) could skip the penetration part of the relationship, and (4) could give and receive head with no strings attatched How big were the dudes you were with? You may need to be broken in properly if its still hurting.... The IC is back
2 months ago :: Oct 15, 2008 - 06:07PM #3
Deputy Raineesha Williams Posts: 1392	what part of sex do you find painful?? actual penetration or is the pain more mental than physical?? Remember ladies a sex toy a day keeps the doctor away!
2 months ago :: Oct 15, 2008 - 06:13PM #4
Ms.Southern HATES the BCS!!! Posts: 11289	When is the last time you went to the gyno ? We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for CHANGE. Yes.We.Can.
2 months ago :: Oct 15, 2008 - 06:37PM #5
Aloma Posts: 60	Oct 15, 2008 - 04:59PM, -rewind wrote: hmmmm 1. so you dont like going on dates 2. dont like talking on the phone 3. dont like having sex 4. You Give superhead (you kinda look like her in ur avi) I say you should consider becoming a jumpoff. Tha way, you (1)wont have to go out all of the time, (2) will never have to talk on the phone aside from the occasional talk, (3) could skip the penetration part of the relationship, and (4) could give and receive head with no strings attatched How big were the dudes you were with? You may need to be broken in properly if its still hurting.... I don't look like super head....all kidding aside she's super pretty. I think I'm cute. Ummm, not that I'm interested, jump off don't have sex! I thought dat was the whole point! Is it like having a bf but he's not in your face all the time. Ok I'm interested..... Not all have been "big" but some have been (2 to 1). He and I broke up within 7-9 months, thought it was a physical issue. He said I was tighter than most of the girls he was wit (he actually asked it I was a virgin). He also said he was wit a alotta sluts!
2 months ago :: Oct 15, 2008 - 06:39PM #6
Aloma Posts: 60	Oct 15, 2008 - 05:13PM, Ms.Southern HATES the BCS!!! wrote: When is the last time you went to the gyno ? Yearly check ups....I went a few times cuz my Ex wanted to "stretch me out", I got minor tears. He did feel bad about it.
2 months ago :: Oct 15, 2008 - 06:42PM #7
-rewind Posts: 7758	Oct 15, 2008 - 05:37PM, Aloma wrote: Oct 15, 2008 - 04:59PM, -rewind wrote: hmmmm 1. so you dont like going on dates 2. dont like talking on the phone 3. dont like having sex 4. You Give superhead (you kinda look like her in ur avi) I say you should consider becoming a jumpoff. Tha way, you (1)wont have to go out all of the time, (2) will never have to talk on the phone aside from the occasional talk, (3) could skip the penetration part of the relationship, and (4) could give and receive head with no strings attatched How big were the dudes you were with? You may need to be broken in properly if its still hurting.... I don't look like super head....all kidding aside she's super pretty. I think I'm cute. Ummm, not that I'm interested, jump off don't have sex! I thought dat was the whole point! Is it like having a bf but he's not in your face all the time. Ok I'm interested..... Not all have been "big" but some have been (2 to 1). He and I broke up within 7-9 months, thought it was a physical issue. He said I was tighter than most of the girls he was wit (he actually asked it I was a virgin). He also said he was wit a alotta sluts! this post confused me.....but um awnser the other questions the ladies asked....cuz it could be a problem if you have had sex multiple times and its still really painful. but if you became a jumpoff or side chick, you wont really have to worry about losing your space due to a boyfriend....you'll have a lot more freedom, and get to do your own thing. I think if you would be up front with a guy about that, it would be easy to find a jumpoff buddy....but you'd really have to be secure in yourself as a woman.....being labled a jumpoff can make some women feel insecure...hopefully u aint like that The IC is back
2 months ago :: Oct 15, 2008 - 06:44PM #8
Aloma Posts: 60	Oct 15, 2008 - 05:07PM, Deputy Raineesha Williams wrote: what part of sex do you find painful?? actual penetration or is the pain more mental than physical?? Sometimes its painful. ... I guess another issue is the transformation that happens to men. Ur so into it....and it gets rougher and rougher to the point that if it didn't hurt it does... But I need to fix this! All my girls talk about how they love having sex with their men.
2 months ago :: Oct 15, 2008 - 06:48PM #9
-rewind Posts: 7758	check this site out http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/sex-hurts-yl reasons you may be saying By Janis Graham Almost half of all women feel pain during or after sex some or all of the time, according to new research. If you're one of them, don't suffer in silence. "Many women are embarrassed to bring it up, but they shouldn't be — doctors have lots of remedies for painful sex," says Timothy P. Canavan, M.D., an ob/gyn professor at the University of Pittsburgh Medical School. Use our guide to find the source of your pain — and the solution. Painful Sex: Causes and Solutions 1-3 1. How it hurts: You feel a sharp, stabbing pain on one side of your pelvis during deep penetration. You may also feel a dull ache during your period. The possible cause: An ovarian cyst — a fluid-filled growth that affects about 30 percent of premenopausal women. What to do: Most cysts are harmless and disappear by themselves within two or three menstrual cycles, says Canavan. Your doctor will probably do an ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis and ask you to check back two months later if sex still hurts. In the meantime, take 400 mg of ibuprofen one hour before intercourse to relieve discomfort and try having sex with you on top, a position that allows you to control the depth of penetration. 2. How it hurts: Your genitals feel itchy, irritated, and sensitive, especially to the touch. After intercourse, your vagina looks red and inflamed, and feels as if it's on fire. The possible cause: A yeast infection, which triggers pain during sex in about a quarter of sufferers. Don't wait until you see the telltale cottage cheese-like discharge before seeking help. "It's a myth that this discharge always accompanies a yeast infection," says Elizabeth G. Stewart, M.D., an ob/gyn and coauthor of The V Book. "Sometimes pain is your only clue." Other possible culprits: feminine hygiene sprays, scented pads, perfumed soap, or bath oils — all of which can irritate your vagina. What to do: See your ob/gyn, who will confirm whether you have a yeast infection, and if you do, will prescribe medication. As for skin irritation: No woman should use feminine hygiene sprays, because they often trigger rashes. If you have sensitive skin, buy unscented sanitary pads, use only mild, hypoallergenic soaps and launder your underwear with fragrance-free detergent. An over-the-counter cortisone cream or Vagisil can relieve tenderness and itching. 3. How it hurts: Your perineum — the area where you may have had a deep tear or an episiotomy when giving birth — feels taut, tender and painful during initial penetration. The possible cause: Rigid, hard scar tissue due to that tear or episiotomy. Women who have either during childbirth are 80 percent more likely to report painful sex three months later than those who didn't experience tissue damage during delivery, reports a study from Harvard Medical School. What to do: Massage the painful area once a day for a few minutes using a water-based lubricant. "This helps desensitize the nerve endings and makes the skin more pliable, easing penetration," says John F. Steege, M.D., an ob/gyn professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. If the area is very sensitive, ask your doctor for a prescription cream with lidocaine, a numbing agent that will make intercourse less painful. Still no relief? Consider minor surgery to remove scar tissue. 4. How it hurts: During sex, it feels as if his penis is bumping into something. You may also have heavy periods, spotting, back pain and an increased need to urinate. The possible cause: Uterine fibroids — areas of benign tissue that grow on the uterine wall. Women with fibroids are almost three times more likely to report painful sex than those without them, and up to 40 percent of women in their 30s and 40s are plagued by these growths. Researchers aren't sure what causes fibroids, but many believe estrogen stimulates their development. What to do: Get an ultrasound to see if you have fibroids, which range in size from a pea to a grapefruit. Once their size and location is determined, your doctor will discuss treatment options with you. Hysterectomy is the most effective way to remove them, but there are less invasive options, such as having an IUD inserted to shrink growths or uterine fibroid embolization (a nonsurgical treatment that shrinks fibroids by blocking blood flow to them). 5. How it hurts: His penis doesn't easily glide inside you; the friction of thrusting is painful and leaves your vagina feeling tender and irritated. The possible cause: Vaginal dryness, which plagues 25 percent of women at some point in their lives. Common culprits: antidepressants or the Pill (either can lower libido, making it tough for you to get aroused and lubricated), breast-feeding (when nursing, estrogen levels are low, leading to dryness), or menopause (your production of estrogen, and thus lubrication, may drop). What to do: Use a water-based lubricant, such as K-Y, during sex. 6. How it hurts: Your genitals burn and sting, nearly all the time. Both foreplay and intercourse are painful; so is riding a bike, inserting a tampon, and sitting for a long time. The possible cause: Vulvodynia — a painful condition that can affect the entire vulvar region or, in some cases, is concentrated at the vaginal opening. The problem appears to occur when vulvar nerve endings become irritated. Although experts aren't sure why, vaginal rashes, frequent yeast infections and the use of antibiotics may initially trigger the syndrome. What to do: Treatment can be difficult to come by. A large Harvard study found that 60 percent of sufferers who sought help saw three or more doctors, and many still did not get an accurate diagnosis. Unfortunately, many doctors believe the symptoms of vulvodynia are all in a woman's head. First, find a clinician who takes your symptoms seriously. Most women do best with multiple treatments — a combination of low-dose antidepressants, pain medication, and physical therapy. 7. How it hurts: When aroused you feel a hot, throbbing ache in one of your vaginal lips, which doesn't subside until hours after sex. You may see or feel a bulge the size of a marble on your vagina. The possible cause: A blockage in a gland you probably didn't even know you had! The Bartholin's glands — two pea-size organs located on each of the vaginal lips — pump out lubrication upon arousal and can get clogged or infected. Experts don't know why some women suddenly experience trouble. What to do: Your doctor will perform an in-office procedure to get rid of the blockage. First she'll numb the area with an anesthetic spray, then she'll make a tiny cut in the gland to release built-up fluid. Stitches are placed at the edge of the incision to allow a small permanent opening to form, so the gland can drain well from now on. It takes two to three weeks to heal (sorry — you can't have sex during this time). 8. How it hurts: You feel a sharp, stabbing pain throughout your entire lower abdomen during deep thrusting, after sex, and occasionally at other times, such as before your period. The possible cause: Endometriosis — some 15 percent of women in their childbearing years suffer from this disease, in which tissue that lines the uterus attaches to organs in the pelvis, triggering pain. What to do: Endometriosis can cause infertility, so if you're having difficulty conceiving, you'll need to undergo a minor surgical procedure to determine the severity of the disease and the best treatment. Women who have no fertility concerns or milder pain should first get relief by going on the Pill. 9. How it hurts: You feel a generalized ache between your hips during intercourse and/or you have a constant urge to urinate and it stings when you do. The possible cause: A urinary tract infection (UTI) — 44 percent of women with UTIs suffer from pain during sex, according to one study. What to do: See your ob/gyn or regular doctor, who will check your urine for an infection and prescribe antibiotics if you test positive. If you suffer from chronic infections, ask your doc to prescribe antibiotics for your partner, too: Research indicates that treating both of you (so you don't pass the infection back and forth to each other) increases the odds of getting rid of painful UTIs. The IC is back
2 months ago :: Oct 15, 2008 - 06:50PM #10
NthngIs4vr& AlwyzIsALIE Posts: 2148	You should see a doctor about that. Would you consider letting your man have a side piece since you're don't ever want to have sex with him? It's a lovely day today...

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