I've realized a long time ago that i wasn't meant to procreate, at the first chance i get i'm gonna get a vasectomy(not like it really matters i don't have sex anyway). I don't really have any positive traits to pass on to my children, i'd never want to have a son and have him go through the exact same things i went through growing up, never having a girlfriend, always called ugly. I have a plethora of general unwanted genetic traits, a plethora of keloid scars, weak jaw, rolls on my neck(regular neck brahs don't know how good they have it), gyno and an average size penis(black).
With the realization of this rather than killing myself and making my mom sad(the only reason i haven't yet) i'm just not gonna have any kids. The vast majority of the time i go through life without reason, i've read so many books trying elevate my low self-confidence my insecurities but nothing really seems to help. When main squeeze died i honestly wished that was me in his place, i still do. Guy had one hell of a life in front of himself, id happily give my life if it was for a purpose like that. I Don't care about money because when i was making decent money for my age i was still just as sad an miserable as i was before. I took up minimalism in an attempt to "find meaning" that really hasn't helped either.
I serve no purpose of being here and every single fucking day i wish i would just die so i can no longer feel the pain.
Im requesting a perma ban after this because i really need to get away from the Internet
thanks for all the advice everyone good night and good luck