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Your Sweet Bitterness

RuffDraft
RuffDraft Members, Writer Posts: 4,753 ✭✭✭✭
edited June 2011 in Waiting To Exhale
Where are you?
The question repeats.
How are you?
I wonder underneath.

For I miss your soul
It carried me home
Taught me many lessons
How to reach my goals

All but one
A silent whisper
Whispering inside of me
No action can succeed
So I live on silently
Seeing you in my dreams

Dreaming of your thoughts
Dreaming of your wrongs
Dreaming of ‘naughts’,
How to cross you off

A crossing persists
The Channel I miss
Arriving in Paris
With my bitter kiss

“Run away from me”
Shores see no mystery
See, even they see you
In all your misery

Funny how the mind rules the heart…

“I’ll keep you safe heart,
Deep in the dark,
We will not love again,
We will not feel again,
We can throw away the key,
Who cares for love?
Who cares for me?
Where are you Love?
Look at what you did to me!”

Love has moved on,
But where are you?

You left me in a whisper
A silent whisper…
Whisper me a kiss
For I can no longer resist,
Your sweet bitterness…

Comments

  • Tupacfan
    Tupacfan Members, Moderators Posts: 2,428 Regulator
    edited June 2011
    I enjoyed reading this piece...

    the ending part had me in Ahhhh....

    thanks for sharing Draft.
  • RuffDraft
    RuffDraft Members, Writer Posts: 4,753 ✭✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    tupacfan wrote: »
    I enjoyed reading this piece...

    the ending part had me in Ahhhh....

    thanks for sharing Draft.

    Thanks for reading... appreciate it TF...
  • Tupacfan
    Tupacfan Members, Moderators Posts: 2,428 Regulator
    edited June 2011
    RuffDraft wrote: »
    Thanks for reading... appreciate it TF...

    No doubt, any time...

    I love to read other people's work and stuff and just show my support, lettin em' know Tupacfan reads this 🤬 , she sees you and appreciates the time taken to share lol...
  • RuffDraft
    RuffDraft Members, Writer Posts: 4,753 ✭✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    tupacfan wrote: »
    No doubt, any time...

    I love to read other people's work and stuff and just show my support, lettin em' know Tupacfan reads this 🤬 , she sees you and appreciates the time taken to share lol...

    lol *appreciates* It's not my best piece, but I do always tend to improve towards the end of the poems, I find it hard to introduce a poem well.
  • Tupacfan
    Tupacfan Members, Moderators Posts: 2,428 Regulator
    edited June 2011
    RuffDraft wrote: »
    lol *appreciates* It's not my best piece, but I do always tend to improve towards the end of the poems, I find it hard to introduce a poem well.

    lol, no doubt..

    I tend to do the same things, one of the things i learned is just keep on writing, keep spittin what's at the top of the mind, what im feeling inside, and doing that, it made is soo much easier for me to write.. now it may not be all that great, but the important thing is that I got it out of my system and now i can just exhale lol... revising poems actually takes away the true feeling and emotion of the poem.. the main purpose.. so yea, i just try and run with mines, who gives a 🤬 if it don't rhyme, make sense. as long as i got those pent up feelings outta my system, it's all i care for... all the structure just kind of went out the window for me and created writer's block.
  • RuffDraft
    RuffDraft Members, Writer Posts: 4,753 ✭✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    tupacfan wrote: »
    lol, no doubt..

    I tend to do the same things, one of the things i learned is just keep on writing, keep spittin what's at the top of the mind, what im feeling inside, and doing that, it made is soo much easier for me to write.. now it may not be all that great, but the important thing is that I got it out of my system and now i can just exhale lol... revising poems actually takes away the true feeling and emotion of the poem.. the main purpose.. so yea, i just try and run with mines, who gives a 🤬 if it don't rhyme, make sense. as long as i got those pent up feelings outta my system, it's all i care for... all the structure just kind of went out the window for me and created writer's block.

    Couldn't agree more, my friend who has a Masters in English Literature was telling me I need to structure it more and it's the shorter lines where every word is carefully chosen creates the better poems.... but to me, if I can feel it, that's poetry. That's why I always loved Waiting to Exhale, it's filled with poetry like that... rather than someone trying to be smarter than they actually are.
  • stupot0607
    stupot0607 Members Posts: 1,914 ✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    Good Poem Man.

    I enjoyed it.....
  • RuffDraft
    RuffDraft Members, Writer Posts: 4,753 ✭✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    stupot0607 wrote: »
    Good Poem Man.

    I enjoyed it.....

    Thanks Stupot, it's not one of my best, but it's just a clear my throat piece lol.