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The Rain

stupot0607
stupot0607 Members Posts: 1,914 ✭✭✭
edited June 2011 in Waiting To Exhale
The Rain

Every time It rains I open my window,
Extend my hand out,
Then I look down below,
3 or 4 drops hit my hand gently,
Instantly liberating me with energy,
Refreshing my skin,
Refreshment I haven’t felt for weeks,
A slight breeze then blows towards my cheeks,
Closing my eyes it paints a beautiful picture,
As it hits everything which surrounds me,
My eyes closed and I can still perfectly see,
The rain sounds different when its outside home,
Giving me a feeling of being all alone,
Just me and this earth……


Nature came first and then came my birth,
The rain is a perfect instrumental to my life,
Constantly in the background ready for me to lay my vocals,
A running commentary on me and my hopefuls.



Stupot0607



Comments

  • RuffDraft
    RuffDraft Members, Writer Posts: 4,753 ✭✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    That's a really nice poem, I'd change 'perfectly see' to 'see perfectly'... that's just me, but I think it flows better... can't check the track, but props on the drop :tu

    Another really nice piece...
  • stupot0607
    stupot0607 Members Posts: 1,914 ✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    RuffDraft wrote: »
    That's a really nice poem, I'd change 'perfectly see' to 'see perfectly'... that's just me, but I think it flows better... can't check the track, but props on the drop :tu

    Another really nice piece...

    Thanks Draft, props on the feedback, ill always welcome suggestions or critisism if you have any.

    i actually agree it does flow better like that. i might change it cause i got it saved on a word doc on my computer.

    It's not a track, its off the film V for Vendetta, the whole "🤬 is in the rain" scene, really great scene in a great movie. it was stuck in my head all throughout writing this poem haha
    i just didnt want to use it cause its on the film. i wanted to be original and didnt want to rip it off.
  • Azekiel-Horizon
    Azekiel-Horizon Members Posts: 12
    edited June 2011
    Nice piece of poetry. V for Vendetta is one of my favorit movies and the scene you are talking about it is one of the best scenes in the movies. It had a sort of liberating vibe to it and so does this poem.
  • RuffDraft
    RuffDraft Members, Writer Posts: 4,753 ✭✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    stupot0607 wrote: »
    Thanks Draft, props on the feedback, ill always welcome suggestions or critisism if you have any.

    i actually agree it does flow better like that. i might change it cause i got it saved on a word doc on my computer.

    It's not a track, its off the film V for Vendetta, the whole "🤬 is in the rain" scene, really great scene in a great movie. it was stuck in my head all throughout writing this poem haha
    i just didnt want to use it cause its on the film. i wanted to be original and didnt want to rip it off.

    Props, I've not seen the film, but I'll check it out if you rate it :tu Definitely a nice poem though and always good to be inspired through film. Must be great to have that sort of free time to really sit down and transpire your creativity... I always find I'm working. This summer holiday I'm planning on writing a children's book based around two characters in a rainforest... but until then, I find it hard to be creative unless I'm going through some 'ish.

    How long you been writing poetry for?
  • stupot0607
    stupot0607 Members Posts: 1,914 ✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    RuffDraft wrote: »
    Props, I've not seen the film, but I'll check it out if you rate it :tu Definitely a nice poem though and always good to be inspired through film. Must be great to have that sort of free time to really sit down and transpire your creativity... I always find I'm working. This summer holiday I'm planning on writing a children's book based around two characters in a rainforest... but until then, I find it hard to be creative unless I'm going through some 'ish.

    How long you been writing poetry for?

    Yeah its a great film, i think being english it makes it better aswell haha

    This poem really wasnt inspired by the film, that movie quote was just stuck in my head because i was writing it, i actually just got inspiration from my room. but still defo check out the film.

    That book sounds creative haha, you got a publisher lined up? or is it at drawing board level?

    I Been writing poetry for 2 days now haha, yesterdays "No Great War For Our Generation" being my official first piece. although i got note pads of random lyrics that have just popped in my head and HAD to write them down. and a couple of wack verses here and there, but i never went out to write a poem until this weekend. im saving them all on my computer on word doc's, gonna start a library of them.
  • RuffDraft
    RuffDraft Members, Writer Posts: 4,753 ✭✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    stupot0607 wrote: »
    Yeah its a great film, i think being english it makes it better aswell haha

    This poem really wasnt inspired by the film, that movie quote was just stuck in my head because i was writing it, i actually just got inspiration from my room. but still defo check out the film.

    That book sounds creative haha, you got a publisher lined up? or is it at drawing board level?

    I Been writing poetry for 2 days now haha, yesterdays "No Great War For Our Generation" being my official first piece. although i got note pads of random lyrics that have just popped in my head and HAD to write them down. and a couple of wack verses here and there, but i never went out to write a poem until this weekend. im saving them all on my computer on word doc's, gonna start a library of them.

    haha see... I'm more American when it comes to films! But some English films are good... as are the drama's... but I'm def Americanised... for better or worse.

    Ahhh okay, I'll check the film out and then I'll be able to relate... but you really drew upon the senses well, so props :tu

    haha, nah, it's at drawing board level completely. It's just an idea I got... won't share too much with you yet, but when it's done and I try to get a publisher and if I manage to (or if I more likely fail!), I'll share it with you. Basically it's going to be funny because one is a true leader and the other is a coward and I've been working on humour between characters and I think it can pay off... but yeah, I'd share more ideas with you in a p.m about it. By the way, I'm leaving for 5 days (no Internet access) as of the morning, so The Essence may be quiet but feel free to keep it going as best you can, I'd appreciate it as I think with you and Dilla as well as Trae, we're starting to garner a few more posters.... so props.

    hahaha ohhh okay, well, you should stick with it, you have good promise!! I do the same, word docs on my Mac. But I write sporadically, I'm not gifted, I generally just write when I'm feeling pressure or pain LOL. But keep sharing :tu

    Catch up with you next weekend :tu Keep posting in The Essence!! :tu
  • stupot0607
    stupot0607 Members Posts: 1,914 ✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    Nice piece of poetry. V for Vendetta is one of my favorit movies and the scene you are talking about it is one of the best scenes in the movies. It had a sort of liberating vibe to it and so does this poem.

    Thanks Azekiel, Much appreciated.
    RuffDraft wrote: »
    haha see... I'm more American when it comes to films! But some English films are good... as are the drama's... but I'm def Americanised... for better or worse.

    Ahhh okay, I'll check the film out and then I'll be able to relate... but you really drew upon the senses well, so props :tu

    haha, nah, it's at drawing board level completely. It's just an idea I got... won't share too much with you yet, but when it's done and I try to get a publisher and if I manage to (or if I more likely fail!), I'll share it with you. Basically it's going to be funny because one is a true leader and the other is a coward and I've been working on humour between characters and I think it can pay off... but yeah, I'd share more ideas with you in a p.m about it. By the way, I'm leaving for 5 days (no Internet access) as of the morning, so The Essence may be quiet but feel free to keep it going as best you can, I'd appreciate it as I think with you and Dilla as well as Trae, we're starting to garner a few more posters.... so props.

    hahaha ohhh okay, well, you should stick with it, you have good promise!! I do the same, word docs on my Mac. But I write sporadically, I'm not gifted, I generally just write when I'm feeling pressure or pain LOL. But keep sharing :tu

    Catch up with you next weekend :tu Keep posting in The Essence!! :tu

    Haha yeah i feel i been a little more americanized thanks to hip hop. but at the same time i love English films (Snatch, Lock Stock, Layer Cake, V For Vendetta).
    im looking forward to hearing your ideas, seems a great idea. And ill keep the essence going strong tonight ill drop a underground album thread haha

    i know what you mean by writing to vent some pressure or pain. but im gonna play around with it a bit more, try be a bit random, see what happens really.

    Anyways Draft ill catch you later man.
    Albart wrote: »
    Hi stupot0607,
    Is this your first attempt? If it is then it is great. I like the atmosphere you created with your wording.
    Keep writing, it will improve your writing ability and keep sharing your poems with us. we will encourage you.

    Thanks Albart, and welcome to the IC.

    & This is my 2nd poem, i posted my 1st the other day.

    Im gonna keep doing some more and definitly post some more up in the near future.
  • Tupacfan
    Tupacfan Members, Moderators Posts: 2,428 Regulator
    edited June 2011
    I loooved this poem..

    poignant??? yes..

    my fav lines...

    Nature came first and then came my birth,
    The rain is a perfect instrumental to my life,
    Constantly in the background ready for me to lay my vocals,
    A running commentary on me and my hopefuls.
  • stupot0607
    stupot0607 Members Posts: 1,914 ✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    tupacfan wrote: »
    I loooved this poem..

    poignant??? yes..

    my fav lines...

    Nature came first and then came my birth,
    The rain is a perfect instrumental to my life,
    Constantly in the background ready for me to lay my vocals,
    A running commentary on me and my hopefuls.

    Thanks Tupacfan,

    i been checking out your poetry for a while and i really appreciate and enjoy your poems.
  • stupot0607
    stupot0607 Members Posts: 1,914 ✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    Young-Ice wrote: »
    I like it a lot. Only thing i would say, is maybe take a few unnecessary words out, or refrain from using them in future poems. Lyrically, i loved it. Nothing i would change. But some of your feet were a bit lengthy and broke the rhythm of the poem. At least to me.

    Well done though. I enjoyed this.

    Thanks for the feedback young ice.
    ill work on it on my future poems.
  • Tupacfan
    Tupacfan Members, Moderators Posts: 2,428 Regulator
    edited June 2011
    stupot0607 wrote: »
    Thanks Tupacfan,

    i been checking out your poetry for a while and i really appreciate and enjoy your poems.

    No doubt, i give props where it's due..

    peace.