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Ideal Dream

stupot0607
stupot0607 Members Posts: 1,914 ✭✭✭
edited July 2011 in Waiting To Exhale
Ideal Dream

Just when I think that the universe is going against me,
Something spiritually regenerates me,
Then It begins to test my virtuosity,
Giving me answers to questions that I never even asked…
Giving me distinguishing lines to keep a unique contrast,
Follow your heart,
Don’t be torn apart,
Assess & Read the Situation,
Don’t make it an obligation,
Corrupted Machines & ideal dreams,
Connect with your peers & don’t give into fears,
Vent my contribution & find the solution,
But mainly, carry on, be yourself & just stay strong,
Sometimes I figure…..
How can I find strength in this world you gave me?
Giving me physical yet a diminishing mental,
Ageing in my heart & body are evidential,
They say Its part of this life & its inevitable,
It’s a fact I cant face,
Told to follow society & fall into place,
Die for this country,
Die for this diplomacy,
I Realise I cant deal with it Emotionally,
Frustrated it’s a inconsistency,
Then told to serve & die for this economy,
Well Id rather live for humanity,
Find this ideal dream, realise that its plausible,
Search for & believe in a better tomorrow,
Create an atmosphere through our own rhymes,
& Appreciate this moment frozen in time,


Stupot0607


I Thought i would start of with my own little philosophy and it kind of just drifted from then, Kinda developed into what it is haha. i been working on this for a week and ive chopped and changed it so much, but i finally got to the point where i thought it was good enough. Hope you enjoy

Comments

  • RuffDraft
    RuffDraft Members, Writer Posts: 4,753 ✭✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    Create an atmosphere through our own rhymes,
    & Appreciate this moment frozen in time,

    Best line comes right at the end to top it all off, really nice philosophical piece, Stupot. A really nice and relevant piece. Being critical, you started off high, middle was middle, end was high. I thought the start and end surpassed the middle, but a really great piece, can tell you took your time with it and the language you use is really nice too.

    Props on sharing :tu
  • stupot0607
    stupot0607 Members Posts: 1,914 ✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    RuffDraft wrote: »
    Create an atmosphere through our own rhymes,
    & Appreciate this moment frozen in time,

    Best line comes right at the end to top it all off, really nice philosophical piece, Stupot. A really nice and relevant piece. Being critical, you started off high, middle was middle, end was high. I thought the start and end surpassed the middle, but a really great piece, can tell you took your time with it and the language you use is really nice too.

    Props on sharing :tu

    Thanks for the feedback Draft,

    it took a while to make, and it actually annoyed me that it hung over my head and was in the making for what seemed ages!! i noticed you gotta capture the moment, and cause i was opening and closing the word doc i had it saved on that it was like a frankenstien piece and cause i had a different mind frame. But when i finished i spent a while trying to peice it all together.

    i think the middle was dragged out cause it was in kind of a list form, if you know what i mean...
  • RuffDraft
    RuffDraft Members, Writer Posts: 4,753 ✭✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    stupot0607 wrote: »
    Thanks for the feedback Draft,

    it took a while to make, and it actually annoyed me that it hung over my head and was in the making for what seemed ages!! i noticed you gotta capture the moment, and cause i was opening and closing the word doc i had it saved on that it was like a frankenstien piece and cause i had a different mind frame. But when i finished i spent a while trying to peice it all together.

    i think the middle was dragged out cause it was in kind of a list form, if you know what i mean...

    Yeah definitely with you on that, normally my pieces start off slow and get more interesting to the point where I finally have some nice drops at the end, it's cool that you really brought it initially, nice touch.

    Definitely, that's what's annoying about poetry if you go beyond the first draft, most times you want to finish it there and then... it's very hard to take away parts too as they're usually the parts that draw the most emotion... I sometimes feel that some people pick and pick and pick to perfect it, but it loses its essence, which is a shame then.

    Enjoyed your piece though and it definitely didn't have me thinking of frankenstein either!! Like you say, capture the moment :tu
  • Tupacfan
    Tupacfan Members, Moderators Posts: 2,428 Regulator
    edited June 2011
    High 5's for this jawn!

    Man, every line hit, i love the wordplay, and the topic was just ill..

    thank you for sharing..

    I can't quote a favorite line, because all of em' hit hard..

    keep writing and expressing them words we call poetry my fellow poet!

    peace.
  • AFREDA
    AFREDA Members Posts: 5
    edited July 2011
    If you see world now then you will find just blood,enmity,war and nothing except those things which also related to these.My ideal dream,imagination is to maintain and spread peace every where in the world where there would be no war no politics and no enmity feelings.Every one will be a gentle human kind.I wish i could see that day.