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XI

Azekiel-Horizon
Azekiel-Horizon Members Posts: 12
edited July 2011 in Waiting To Exhale
I'm on a head trip,
where I receive salutations from a skeleton
wearing purple sunglasses worth an arm and leg.
I notice, beneath her fashionable shades are empty eye sockets.
that hold hollow emotions
This otherworldly framework, wants my last name.
But a painted woman only brings ill - fame.
They are Chimera's daughter, a blossoming nightmare,
Buried under a square root.
in an imaginary world, out of proportion.
where crimson seas are uneven and women are evil.
making them the perfect escorts to a dark fantasy.
Where this fancy woman wants me.
She is a small pigment of my imagination that gives it all these bad colors.
Making it even worse, that I have been imagining myself with her.........

Comments

  • RuffDraft
    RuffDraft Members, Writer Posts: 4,753 ✭✭✭✭
    edited June 2011
    I'm on a head trip,
    where I receive salutations from a skeleton
    wearing purple sunglasses worth an arm and leg.
    I notice, beneath her fashionable shades are empty eye sockets.
    that hold hollow emotions
    This otherworldly framework, wants my last name.
    But a painted woman only brings ill - fame.
    They are Chimera's daughter, a blossoming nightmare,
    Buried under a square root.
    in an imaginary world, out of proportion.
    where crimson seas are uneven and women are evil.
    making them the perfect escorts to a dark fantasy.
    Where this fancy woman wants me.
    She is a small pigment of my imagination that gives it all these bad colors.
    Making it even worse, that I have been imagining myself with her.........

    Great description and thoughts in this piece the vivid imagery of the skeleton and the idea of the shades without eyes etc. Real, real nice, you could make it come alive even more by describing her ghastly movement or whatever, but as it is, it's a really great piece!! Almost feels like it needs a second verse though... like what happens when you imagine yourself with her, where did it take you? Etc.

    Is this based on someone in real life and if so, what gives her no soul? No emotion? Is it a case of wanting what you know is bad for you?

    Like this piece a lot, Azekiel. Props.
  • Azekiel-Horizon
    Azekiel-Horizon Members Posts: 12
    edited July 2011
    RuffDraft wrote: »
    Great description and thoughts in this piece the vivid imagery of the skeleton and the idea of the shades without eyes etc. Real, real nice, you could make it come alive even more by describing her ghastly movement or whatever, but as it is, it's a really great piece!! Almost feels like it needs a second verse though... like what happens when you imagine yourself with her, where did it take you? Etc.

    Is this based on someone in real life and if so, what gives her no soul? No emotion? Is it a case of wanting what you know is bad for you?

    Like this piece a lot, Azekiel. Props.

    Thank Ruff I've a second verse to it but I broke the poem into two different poems to describe the exact things that you asked. It is based on someone in real life, I don't know if you ever been with a woman that was bad news and you knew she was bad news but you didn't care because it was something about her (mostly her looks) that attracted you to her.Also when you around her you do things you normally wouldn't do. If you have experience a woman like that you know that its hard to get rid of her because she got some kind of control over you. But thanks manye for taken time to read the piece