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random keystyle

supaman4321
supaman4321 Members Posts: 946
edited August 2010 in Roc Tha Mic
just some random bars no real direction just spittin, fell off at one point kinda but i think i brought it back together

I propose a plan to get 🤬 back on the right track
Cuz you Motorola flowers got the game movin back
Words worth a billion, dollars or pictures
With the imagery of a van Gogh, distributed to highest bidders
I’m sorta after ya livers, spleens, hearts, and grey matter
Total possession, nowhere to run nowhere to hide
Glide above you slow coasters with no drive
No direction, better get ya garmin on
Better get ya garments on cuz I hear it’s cold when the summer’s gone
Cold when the suns out, cold when the leave fall
Cold when the leaves freeze, cold when the leaves thaw
Just call me Mr. consistent
Voted best ever by the general consensus
Is the goal that I’m after, and until I’ve achieved
I guarentee I hitchu with nothing but heat
Like roger clemens, or more like the terminator
No matter, flow’s sick I am the germinator
You lilly white flowers can get ya petals ripped
Snipped, in ctrl in the clutch you just wanna shift
I just light splifs, burn trees then the ink drips
On the composition book in my brain, no margin
Refrains the lines from goin outside the box
Better yet cranium, lyrical shots to ya pride
Used to be Puffed, I’m drainin em
With a little Ditty, no riddles or middle men
Titanium tight bars got the crowd yellin “Finish Him”
No mortal kombat, but if thou Shao Kahn
Yourself into thinking you’re hot, I drop bombs
🤬 not ready for Nagasaki, no shelter
All fallout, no survivors, all the infamy of the day after


constructive criticism is of course welcome

Comments

  • Tha Killa
    Tha Killa Members Posts: 4,451 ✭✭✭
    edited June 2010
    just some random bars no real direction just spittin, fell off at one point kinda but i think i brought it back together

    I propose a plan to get 🤬 back on the right track
    Cuz you Motorola flowers got the game movin back
    Words worth a billion, dollars or pictures
    With the imagery of a van Gogh, distributed to highest bidders
    I’m sorta after ya livers, spleens, hearts, and grey matter
    Total possession, nowhere to run nowhere to hide
    Glide above you slow coasters with no drive
    No direction, better get ya garmin on
    Better get ya garments on cuz I hear it’s cold when the summer’s gone

    Cold when the suns out, cold when the leave fall
    Cold when the leaves freeze, cold when the leaves thaw
    Just call me Mr. consistent
    Voted best ever by the general consensus
    Is the goal that I’m after, and until I’ve achieved
    I guarentee I hitchu with nothing but heat
    Like roger clemens, or more like the terminator
    No matter, flow’s sick I am the germinator
    You lilly white flowers can get ya petals ripped
    Snipped, in ctrl in the clutch you just wanna shift
    I just light splifs, burn trees then the ink drips
    On the composition book in my brain, no margin
    Refrains the lines from goin outside the box
    Better yet cranium, lyrical shots to ya pride
    Used to be Puffed, I’m drainin em
    With a little Ditty, no riddles or middle men
    Titanium tight bars got the crowd yellin “Finish Him”
    No mortal kombat, but if thou Shao Kahn
    Yourself into thinking you’re hot, I drop bombs

    🤬 not ready for Nagasaki, no shelter
    All fallout, no survivors, all the infamy of the day after


    constructive criticism is of course welcome


    The bolded lines are pretty nice imo. That Shao Kahn line was funny and well placed. You had a lot of filler in this verse but I think it was still solid nonetheless. Your delivery was nice, your flow was a bit choppy imo, and a lot of your metaphors feel like they've been taken out of the Rap Bars 101 syllabus. I would like to see your next drop be a more topical piece where you can utilize your story telling abilities. A lot of you guys are relatively new here, so I'd like to establish some kind of constant for ya'll abilities so that I can offer a more precise critique for ya'll.
  • konflickdineromob
    konflickdineromob Members Posts: 17
    edited July 2010
    i dont know man this was aight but
    i feel u gotta try harder man ur rhyming was kinda off achieved and heat dont really go 2 gether and some lines didnt making sense]












    http://community.allhiphop.com/showthread.php?31493-random-keystyle
  • Yung Dicc
    Yung Dicc Members Posts: 88
    edited July 2010
    well damn that was deeper than rap
  • beatsbyjtb
    beatsbyjtb Members Posts: 11
    edited July 2010
    Like roger clemens, or more like the terminator
    No matter, flow’s sick I am the germinator

    Dope.
  • WalterArcher
    WalterArcher Members Posts: 6
    edited July 2010
    Hi,
    I read the comment posted here.And I just want to tell that this post are awesome.I can say that after reading the post that it is really nice and appreciable.The information of the random key style posted here is really nice.
  • death187sin
    death187sin Members Posts: 6,098 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2010
    Better get ya garments on cuz I hear it’s cold when the summer’s gone
    Cold when the suns out, cold when the leave fall
    Cold when the leaves freeze, cold when the leaves thaw

    Great job wit the mutiples^ Powerful wordplay here..
    Like roger clemens, or more like the terminator
    No matter, flow’s sick I am the germinator
    You lilly white flowers can get ya petals ripped
    Snipped, in ctrl in the clutch you just wanna shift
    I just light splifs, burn trees then the ink drips

    Again.. Great wordplay. To the average reader they might not catch your flow.. They may be looking for the closing of your bars but I'm not average so i was able to see where you recouped your bars at.. Great job.. Very easy to see..
  • supaman4321
    supaman4321 Members Posts: 946
    edited August 2010
    thanks much respect
  • supaman4321
    supaman4321 Members Posts: 946
    edited August 2010
    my new thread still hasn't been approved?
  • tenthirteen81
    tenthirteen81 Members Posts: 6
    edited August 2010
    my new thread still hasn't been approved?

    you've been disapproved. there's no other way to get rid of you.
    it's pitiful. you never knew the crazy shhit that the lyrics do(es).
    with every syllable, the pinnacle of every sentence
    will 🤬 you until you're begging for forgiveness.
    a quick set of eight will set you straight. or at least, try to...
    'cuz i know how your little, 🤬 behind do(es)...
    but lemme quit that
    'cuz you could never match my type of written or spit raps.

    you get that?


    -SS