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Do you think Americans are more unsympathetic than other people?

sullysully Members, Writer Posts: 4,955 ✭✭✭✭✭
edited April 2014 in The Social Lounge
I don't mean on things like philanthropy and whatnot, i'm talking about in day-to-day regular interactions.

For example, today I went to this new vegan cafe that opened in my neighbourhood. Figured i'd go check it out (not that i'm a vegan, 🤬 forbid). So I took my laptop and decided i'd go study for a couple hours and enjoy the horrific weather.

So i go inside and sit down at a table, next to a table w/ two black guys. One dude gets up to go to the bathroom or order something, and the next dude stands up to pull change out his pocket. Black guy #2 ends up dropping some change, and can't find it, so without a word i check under my table. Dude says "you don't have to do that", and i'm like "lemme just see if it fell under my table or chair". Turns out it did, so i pick up the dime or whatever it was and give it back. Dude starts going off like "you know, i really appreciate that. really...it's hard to find nice people. And I wouldn't expect someone like you to be nice to someone like me".

So i responded w/ "chill...it's nothing".


But that got me thinking about what he meant. He was a young guy, college student (I think). Wasn't dressed bummy or too fancy or whatever. And I wasn't dressed fancy or bummy neither.

To me it's just common courtesy, but it got me thinking what he meant. I'm not white either, nor do i look white. So not sure what he meant. But it got me thinking about whether Americans are really that uncourteous to one another.
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Comments

  • 2stepz_ahead2stepz_ahead Who I am is Complex, What i am, simply put. I'm a Threat walking out the lions denGuests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    i want to fight with you guys especially @ladyzee.....but damn it you both have point that i brought up before so i cant....


    damn it
  • Rasta.Rasta. Mt. ZionMembers Posts: 9,342 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @Sully You know better, there's this stigma with Brown people and their lack of respect concerning the darker skinned people (especially the old school kind). Not saying specifically in relation to this "And I wouldn't expect someone like you to be nice to someone like me" comment but i had lunch with a Desi colleague of mine and the looks we got were intense.

    So later when the owner? came by, i saw his Kara and greeted him in Punjabi and he was just stunned....the stigma is there so expected, the gist of it is subsets of Americans aren't forthcoming and lack common courtesy towards certain groups of people. A minority of any group of people is more likely to do what you did than say the majority.
  • sullysully Members, Writer Posts: 4,955 ✭✭✭✭✭
    pralims wrote: »
    i want to fight with you guys especially @ladyzee.....but damn it you both have point that i brought up before so i cant....


    damn it

    maybe it's the Canadian in me, but to me, it's just a normal reaction when someone drops something, even a stranger. i've been living here for about 6 months now, and the lack of simple things like "please" and "thank you", and getting up from a seat on the bus to let an old person or pregger sit down, is something i've really noticed that's absent here. Of course, it could just be that living in a big American city has these faults. After all, the common thought is that American city-dwellers have less manners and are generally more brash than suburban and rural Americans.

    i always say please and thank you since i've been here. It's one of those things I don't want to become jaded about. Call it the Canadian in me, i guess.
  • sullysully Members, Writer Posts: 4,955 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited April 2014
    Anansi wrote: »
    @Sully You know better, there's this stigma with Brown people and their lack of respect concerning the darker skinned people (especially the old school kind). Not saying specifically in relation to this "And I wouldn't expect someone like you to be nice to someone like me" comment but i had lunch with a Desi colleague of mine and the looks we got were intense.

    So later when the owner? came by, i saw his Kara and greeted him in Punjabi and he was just stunned....the stigma is there so expected, the gist of it is subsets of Americans aren't forthcoming and lack common courtesy towards certain groups of people. A minority of any group of people is more likely to do what you did than say the majority.

    yeah, i can understand that. I was going to ask dude what he meant, but didn't want to get into a whole conversation about it. I was there to get work done. But it's absolutely true that brown peeps generally are more reserved and less willing to be polite to non-Brown people.

    I chalk that up to trust issues, and the fact that brown people generally come from really populated and mostly impoverished areas, so there's a mentality of "take what you can get" and that you have to always fight for what you want. That mentality has its own upsides, like climbing the economic ladder rather quickly as immigrants, but it's got its downsides in terms of social interactions w/ others and others' perceptions of us as a people.

    Might partly be why I make it a point to be polite, to help reverse that stigma.


    Also, Far East Asians have the same stigma against them. They generally don't give a 🤬 about anyone, but it holds you back in social settings and after you leave someone's presence that mentality you put forth remains in the others' consciousness.

    I've heard people tell me being overly polite or courteous holds me back from advancing to where I want to be, but i'm probably doing just fine b/c it's got me to the same place as the very people who tell me that mentality hurts me.
  • Rasta.Rasta. Mt. ZionMembers Posts: 9,342 ✭✭✭✭✭
    sully wrote: »
    Anansi wrote: »
    @Sully You know better, there's this stigma with Brown people and their lack of respect concerning the darker skinned people (especially the old school kind). Not saying specifically in relation to this "And I wouldn't expect someone like you to be nice to someone like me" comment but i had lunch with a Desi colleague of mine and the looks we got were intense.

    So later when the owner? came by, i saw his Kara and greeted him in Punjabi and he was just stunned....the stigma is there so expected, the gist of it is subsets of Americans aren't forthcoming and lack common courtesy towards certain groups of people. A minority of any group of people is more likely to do what you did than say the majority.

    yeah, i can understand that. I was going to ask dude what he meant, but didn't want to get into a whole conversation about it. I was there to get work done. But it's absolutely true that brown peeps generally are more reserved and less willing to be polite to non-Brown people.

    I chalk that up to trust issues, and the fact that brown people generally come from really populated and mostly impoverished areas, so there's a mentality of "take what you can get" and that you have to always fight for what you want. That mentality has its own upsides, like climbing the economic ladder rather quickly as immigrants, but it's got its downsides in terms of social interactions w/ others and others' perceptions of us as a people.

    Might partly be why I make it a point to be polite, to help reverse that stigma.


    Also, Far East Asians have the same stigma against them. They generally don't give a 🤬 about anyone, but it holds you back in social settings and after you leave someone's presence that mentality you put forth remains in the others' consciousness.

    I've heard people tell me being overly polite or courteous holds me back from advancing to where I want to be, but i'm probably doing just fine b/c it's got me to the same place as the very people who tell me that mentality hurts me.

    Heard this as well and i can't wrap my head around it. How'd they deduce this from my being polite or courteous? Iono but i believe being polite irrespective of your audience goes a long way......

    Yea East Asians and Brown people have it wrong when it comes to social interactions and hence normally stick to their kind. I once dated a Punjabi and 🤬 was always awkward around them smh. Anytime i heard the word "Kalu", i knew they were talking about me. The younger generation like yourself however are making strides in that aspect so it's commendable.
  • 2stepz_ahead2stepz_ahead Who I am is Complex, What i am, simply put. I'm a Threat walking out the lions denGuests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    sully wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    i want to fight with you guys especially @ladyzee.....but damn it you both have point that i brought up before so i cant....


    damn it

    maybe it's the Canadian in me, but to me, it's just a normal reaction when someone drops something, even a stranger. i've been living here for about 6 months now, and the lack of simple things like "please" and "thank you", and getting up from a seat on the bus to let an old person or pregger sit down, is something i've really noticed that's absent here. Of course, it could just be that living in a big American city has these faults. After all, the common thought is that American city-dwellers have less manners and are generally more brash than suburban and rural Americans.

    i always say please and thank you since i've been here. It's one of those things I don't want to become jaded about. Call it the Canadian in me, i guess.

    trust me, i have made threads about respect and manners plenty of times. something as simple as speaking when someone walks into a room is a lost form of humanity. no one makes their kids speak anymore and they grow up to be adults who dont speak. no one makes their kids say sorry, or say thank you or anything....then they grow to be adults who do the same thing.

    it always ends with" why do i need to show respect?" or " why should i teach my kids to respect a stranger?" then it turns into old verses young.

    but i wouldnt just put that on american big cities......the burbs are actually worse. they are more sheltered.
  • 808HiLife808808HiLife808 Members Posts: 1,072 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited April 2014
    pralims wrote: »
    sully wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    i want to fight with you guys especially @ladyzee.....but damn it you both have point that i brought up before so i cant....


    damn it

    maybe it's the Canadian in me, but to me, it's just a normal reaction when someone drops something, even a stranger. i've been living here for about 6 months now, and the lack of simple things like "please" and "thank you", and getting up from a seat on the bus to let an old person or pregger sit down, is something i've really noticed that's absent here. Of course, it could just be that living in a big American city has these faults. After all, the common thought is that American city-dwellers have less manners and are generally more brash than suburban and rural Americans.

    i always say please and thank you since i've been here. It's one of those things I don't want to become jaded about. Call it the Canadian in me, i guess.

    trust me, i have made threads about respect and manners plenty of times. something as simple as speaking when someone walks into a room is a lost form of humanity. no one makes their kids speak anymore and they grow up to be adults who dont speak. no one makes their kids say sorry, or say thank you or anything....then they grow to be adults who do the same thing.

    it always ends with" why do i need to show respect?" or " why should i teach my kids to respect a stranger?" then it turns into old verses young.

    but i wouldnt just put that on american big cities......the burbs are actually worse. they are more sheltered.

    @ the bold...
    i went to go visit family in the south and that 🤬 blew me away. everybody spoke. not only that, but maam?/sir? yes/no maam/sir all of it.
    i mean some people speak here, but its mainly in the "country" areas and usually a "howzit" or something like that.
  • 2stepz_ahead2stepz_ahead Who I am is Complex, What i am, simply put. I'm a Threat walking out the lions denGuests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    sully wrote: »
    pralims wrote: »
    i want to fight with you guys especially @ladyzee.....but damn it you both have point that i brought up before so i cant....


    damn it

    maybe it's the Canadian in me, but to me, it's just a normal reaction when someone drops something, even a stranger. i've been living here for about 6 months now, and the lack of simple things like "please" and "thank you", and getting up from a seat on the bus to let an old person or pregger sit down, is something i've really noticed that's absent here. Of course, it could just be that living in a big American city has these faults. After all, the common thought is that American city-dwellers have less manners and are generally more brash than suburban and rural Americans.

    i always say please and thank you since i've been here. It's one of those things I don't want to become jaded about. Call it the Canadian in me, i guess.

    naw....i teach my kids the same...people think my kids are strange for saying thank you, and please and May I. they also think they are strange because they go to peoples house an they sit the fukk down and are well behaved.
    i dont understand why its strange.....i look at bad kids like....why the fukk the parents aint saying anthing
  • Karl.Karl. Members Posts: 8,015 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I bet you got soft hands.
  • sullysully Members, Writer Posts: 4,955 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Karl. wrote: »
    I bet you got soft hands.

    why would i want crusty, ashy hands that can sand a table?
  • OmegaConflictOmegaConflict I AM A GIANT RETARD Members Posts: 39,030 ✭✭✭✭✭
    LadyZee wrote: »
    When I went to America on holiday I remember being shocked at the blatant lack of manners.


    What I found really shocking was the kids. They were so loud and arrogant for all the age of them.
    What state were you in?
  • OmegaConflictOmegaConflict I AM A GIANT RETARD Members Posts: 39,030 ✭✭✭✭✭
    And dont 🤬 lie to me
  • Chi SnowChi Snow Night's Watch Castle BlackGuests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 28,111 ✭✭✭✭✭
    LadyZee wrote: »
    LadyZee wrote: »
    When I went to America on holiday I remember being shocked at the blatant lack of manners.


    What I found really shocking was the kids. They were so loud and arrogant for all the age of them.
    What state were you in?

    New York
    CB hit or nah?
  • OmegaConflictOmegaConflict I AM A GIANT RETARD Members Posts: 39,030 ✭✭✭✭✭
    LadyZee wrote: »
    Chicity wrote: »
    LadyZee wrote: »
    LadyZee wrote: »
    When I went to America on holiday I remember being shocked at the blatant lack of manners.


    What I found really shocking was the kids. They were so loud and arrogant for all the age of them.
    What state were you in?

    New York
    CB hit or nah?

    Nah he left me out in the rain.


    (((((Lol)))))
  • VulcanRavenVulcanRaven I don't knowMembers Posts: 18,859 ✭✭✭✭✭
    LadyZee wrote: »
    LadyZee wrote: »
    When I went to America on holiday I remember being shocked at the blatant lack of manners.


    What I found really shocking was the kids. They were so loud and arrogant for all the age of them.
    What state were you in?

    New York

    No wonder.
  • Chi SnowChi Snow Night's Watch Castle BlackGuests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 28,111 ✭✭✭✭✭
    LadyZee wrote: »
    Chicity wrote: »
    LadyZee wrote: »
    LadyZee wrote: »
    When I went to America on holiday I remember being shocked at the blatant lack of manners.


    What I found really shocking was the kids. They were so loud and arrogant for all the age of them.
    What state were you in?

    New York
    CB hit or nah?

    Nah he left me out in the rain.

    U should have kept that to yaself, trust me
  • KatKat Don't @ Me to Dumb Shit. H-TownMembers Posts: 50,667 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Where in the US are you?

    Rude people are everywhere, but for the most part people know how to act down here.

    Men open doors, let ladies enter the elevator first, hello or at least a smile or a head nod in passing..little things like that.

    Southern people are friendlier than those East coast.
  • KatKat Don't @ Me to Dumb Shit. H-TownMembers Posts: 50,667 ✭✭✭✭✭
    On the East coast*
  • In Your Moms RoomIn Your Moms Room 302Members Posts: 7,383 ✭✭✭✭✭
    LadyZee wrote: »
    When I went to America on holiday I remember being shocked at the blatant lack of manners.


    What I found really shocking was the kids. They were so loud and arrogant for all the age of them.

    So true. These young boys and girls have no sense. They're so bad
  • theBlackbeardtheBlackbeard Members Posts: 1,663 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Yes. I've been told kindness kills more the cancer.
  • In Your Moms RoomIn Your Moms Room 302Members Posts: 7,383 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Yes. I've been told kindness kills more the cancer.

    That's not true. Cancer definitely kills more.
  • theBlackbeardtheBlackbeard Members Posts: 1,663 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Yes. I've been told kindness kills more the cancer.


    That's not true. Cancer definitely kills more.

    YouDontSayBlackSS.png

  • In Your Moms RoomIn Your Moms Room 302Members Posts: 7,383 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Sarcasm. It's a beautiful thing.
  • The IconoclastThe Iconoclast harbinger of existential angst Members Posts: 1,381 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Maybe, I don't know. I do know no one will be able to give an answer that isn't influenced by personal experience and environment. Unlike relatively homogeneous countries around the world, the US due to being a melting 🤬 of different ethnicities and sub-cultures can give its own residents different personal experiences let alone people from other countries .

    Other countries and cultures have different expectations in regards to social decorum, some are socially pressured to display hospitality more than others. It's all about being conditioned by ones environment, not a group of people being inherently nicer or sympathetic than another group.
  • 2stepz_ahead2stepz_ahead Who I am is Complex, What i am, simply put. I'm a Threat walking out the lions denGuests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
    umm...in japan the go by an honor system...an if you do some wild 🤬 you bring shame on your entire family.

    they are more reserved as a culture
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