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Communication Killed assumption

Dupac
Dupac RetiredPurgatoryMembers, Writer Posts: 68,365 ✭✭✭✭✭
edited December 2010 in For The Grown & Sexy
Heard this on the radio this morning...

Sounded like something typical of the convo's that go on in here... super titan grqaph.. but a good read....::

Communication Killed Assumption

Written by: Enitan Bereola, II




In today’s news, assumption was found dead and communication has been arrested in connection with the murder.

The miscommunication of male and female relations has led to debate, divorce and death. Man and woman’s understanding of each other is only half the battle. Communication with the opposite sex is like trying to send a text message with a Metro PCS phone on a plane – you attempt delivery, but it just won’t go through. The main problem with a lack of communication is that it forces people to jump to their own conclusions.

Ladies want to know the way men think. They’d like to know why we have double standards, why we lie and lead them on, why we’re not upfront, why we’re so afraid to commit, why we don’t completely answer questions, why we have a hard time communicating and when there will be an answer to all of these questions. When men refuse to address the issues, women begin to assume the answers. Some women think a few dinner dates and some intimacy makes a man her boyfriend, while the man is simply enjoying her company. She then begins to expect much more than her date is willing to offer because they’re communicating two different things.

That’s the problem that most men have with women today. We simply don’t understand how “yes” can mean “no” and why “nothing is wrong” means something is definitely wrong and it needs to be addressed not now, but right now. When she says, “just kidding,” she’s telling the damn truth. When she points out something sweet another man does, she wants you to do it too – but make sure you do it better. Telling her she’s acting crazy is the worst way to get her to stop acting crazy. If she looks upset, she’s upset; and she’s mad at you for you not knowing why she’s mad at you. If she asks, “Is that what you’re wearing,” she probably wants you to change. Sometimes she pushes you away to see if you’re willing to come forward. If she leaves upset, follow her. When she cries, it’s best to hold her tight and not say a word. Women test our reactions; they observe and judge our every action, expression, word and gesture. She notices how long it takes you to respond to a text message and analyzes why it took that long. Women create a connection and sense of intimacy through communication; her personal questions aren’t intended to invade your privacy so don’t be afraid to open up.

If you don’t know how to open up, start by actually answering her questions. A great way to emotionally connect to a woman is to simply let her in. Create a way for her to feel something. Share personal stories that she can relate to. The neurons in her brain will actually generate the same response as if she was right there with you sharing the experience. A woman puts into a relationship exactly what she expects out of it. You can’t watch football with the cable unplugged – you can’t function in a relationship with you unplugged. Relationships are useless with no connection. Communication is cable.

Women really aren’t as complicated as we make them out to be – they just want to be loved and express that much differently than men. A woman wants more than anything else to feel emotion. That’s why she tells us about her day when we don’t feel like being bothered or ask us all sorts of detailed questions when we think it’s unnecessary. To her, communication is a way of emotionally connecting on a level deeper than surface. Mental stimulation is better than sex … chivalry is foreplay.

But the communication barrier is so thick simply because men and women think and interpret information differently. The male mind is based on hard facts & reason whereas the female mind responds more to emotion and empathy. Women are natural nurturers and men are natural workers. Ask a man to go to the store for bread & he’ll bring back bread. Ask a woman to go to the store for bread and she’ll bring back groceries. Understanding this basic concept will help us understand our breakdown in communication.

Some of us may be crazy, but we’re not nuts and you damn sure can’t 🤬 us open. Ladies, never attempt to pry or force communication out of a man. The results are similar to prying out teeth, no anesthesia. Be patient with us more, love us harder, and show us that we can count on you. When a dog begins to trust a new houseguest, it’s behavior changes … well you say we’re dogs, right? Women must understand that most men can’t decipher your cryptic code. Psychics aren’t real, so either try to learn the way we communicate or date a psychic. Your tendency to communicate emotionally & inwardly often leaves us confused trying to figure out what you’re really saying. We often wonder what you want, but it’s tragic when you wonder the same thing. Get to know you before you expect a man to.

As simple as men are, we understand that sometimes ladies just don’t get us. Take a look at my “Five Communications Do’s & Don’ts” to help you out.

Communication Do’s:

Do approach with caution. The four words men hate to hear is “We need to talk.” It’s not what you say; it’s how and when you say it.
Do acknowledge our efforts. A lot of men won’t admit it, but we require affirmation just like you. So before you communicate that we’re doing something wrong, acknowledge what we’re doing right or even that you know we’re trying.
Do be upfront … but not “in your face upfront.” I know that sometimes women aren’t blunt to protect a man’s ego, but speak matter-of-factly so that we understand the serious tone and nature of the conversation. When we see that a woman is sure and clear about what she wants, we’ll definitely straighten up and take notice. Most men like direct women because most men are direct, but there is truly an art to approaching us so that we not only receive what you’re communicating, but also open up to you.
Do find the right time we communicate together effectively. Timing is everything. Sometimes an issue will arise that requires communication and since women are more emotionally driven, she may want to discuss things in the heat of the moment. In the meantime, a logically driven man may want to sleep on it & discuss when our mind is settled. She doesn’t understand our logical argument when she’s arguing emotionally. Forcing communication while emotions are high is like sparking a lighter in a gas factory. The way to come to a compromise about finding the right time to effectively communicate is by communicating when nothings wrong. The best time to talk to us about problems is when there are no problems.
Do speak in love and pick your battles. Not everything under the sun needs to be communicated. Decide what’s important and what can be figured out overtime or else every day will be another boring board meeting with your boyfriend.
Communication Don’ts:

Don’t get mad at us when we laugh or smile when you’re trying to have serious communication. There’s just something so sexy and so cute about her when she’s mad and trying to have a serious conversation. We’re listening … you’re just sexy!
Don’t text him 10 times a day to ask over & over where the relationship is going. You have to strike a healthy balance in letting a man know what you stand for & expect, while still allowing progression to happen naturally. As men don’t always go into situations looking for relationships but we get into them because we recognize a good lady when we see one. Forcing yourselves onto us creates a force field around us and blocks you. Set boundaries and state intentions early and you won’t have to bring up “the talk” at all because we’ll gladly do it for you.
Don’t always have something to say. Sometimes communication is simply listening. Just like you need to vent, at times we need to vent and prefer you just listen.
Don’t communicate problems in public. If you’re out with friends and an issue occurs, keep your class and wait until you’re behind closed doors to discuss it. Maintain your relationship’s privacy and integrity because you’ll eventually forget about your public blow-up but friends & family won’t & some will be happy to always remind you.

Comments

  • Dupac
    Dupac Retired PurgatoryMembers, Writer Posts: 68,365 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2010
    Don’t ignore body language. 55% of communication is non-verbal, 38% is vocal (pitch, speed, volume, tone of voice) and only 7% is actual words. So listen to what we do. If we’ve scheduled a time to talk about something and we look like we’re not in the mood for discussion but we made an effort to discuss anyway, just change the subject. It can wait and we’ll love you for it.
    Don’t focus on what we’re NOT saying. Forget what you’d like us to say, take us at face value. It’s a known fact that we speak different languages, but most of the time our communication doesn’t require interpretation. As we understand that we’re both saying the same thing, just saying it differently, then we can begin to move forward in understanding one another. Don’t dive deep into shallow water.
    THIS JUST IN: Text messaging has been arrested in the attempted murder of effective communication. Text tried to 🤬 real conversation. If all he does is send you words over a mobile device, it isn’t a real relationship. Oral communication is an intimate act so if a man goes as far as reaching out to pick up a phone and call or wants to talk a lady in person, he’s definitely interested. Now back to your program already in progress.

    Communication killed assumptions! The more we attempt to effectively communicate with each other, the more we can begin to love one another. Men and women desire the same thing – to be loved. It’s the way in which we seek out love and attention that causes so much friction. We may speak different languages but that’s the beauty of it. Love is the language that a deaf woman can hear and a blind mind can see. We need to 🤬 this senseless Venus vs. Mars act that’s been going on for decades. We need ladies and they need us. It’s not Venus vs. Mars, it’s Venus with Mars. Let’s focus on everything right with us, instead of everything wrong with us. Learn to appreciate, enjoy and love our differences instead of shunning them; it’s what makes us beautiful.

    R.I.P. Assumptions.
  • Dupac
    Dupac Retired PurgatoryMembers, Writer Posts: 68,365 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2010
    interesting, i thought yal would like this...

    eh.. i guess it's too much to read..
  • inthacut
    inthacut Members Posts: 955 ✭✭✭
    edited December 2010
    damn....this looks like a work email. Goods points but nothing groundbreaking, they've just compiled stuff we already know.
  • Dupac
    Dupac Retired PurgatoryMembers, Writer Posts: 68,365 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2010
    inthacut wrote: »
    damn....this looks like a work email. Goods points but nothing groundbreaking, they've just compiled stuff we already know.

    pretty much what i thought when i heard it on the raadio...
    but a lotta these bloggers/writers tend to be a little better at illustrating a lot of the same thoguhts and opinions on relationship subjects than i am....

    like i'll be thinking someinthg and wanting to say something similiar.. but it just doesn't come out like this
  • Meet The Sniper
    Meet The Sniper Members Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭
    edited December 2010
    I don't see a single titangraph but ok.

    I seen most of this before... fun read though. I'm guessing the intended audience is women.... though this could work wonders for the "She totally wants me" breed of dude.
  • fiat_money
    fiat_money Members Posts: 16,654 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2010
  • Taylor Maade
    Taylor Maade Members Posts: 2
    edited December 2010
    My question is - what do you say to a man who just stops calling/texting you with no reason what-so-ever? This is the type of non verbal "communication" men do all the time. Women begin to think that something is wrong with them because one minute the dude acts as if he's feeling her, and the next he falls off the face of the earth. This type of behavior makes women angry and hurt. Men fail to realize that women are not as emotional as they think we are when it comes to stuff like this. If a man is up front with a woman, a lot of pain and confusion can be avoided. Personally, I would respect a man more if he were honest about what he wanted vs. leading me on. If you just want a cut buddy, fine. If you just want to be friends, fine. If you want a relationship, fine. If you're not feeling me, that's fine too. Give women the opportunity to choose whether or not she wants to deal with it. Don't just brush her off as if she's nothing and has no feelings. Some men are afraid to tell women the truth... Why? I have no clue, but it's not as bad as men think it is. Women don't kirk out over every little thing. The fact that a man completely dismisses a female is far worse that telling her what you want or expect. Keep it real... Her response might end up being more refreshing than you think.
  • MeTaL
    MeTaL Members Posts: 6,553 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2010
    My question is - what do you say to a man who just stops calling/texting you with no reason what-so-ever? This is the type of non verbal "communication" men do all the time. Women begin to think that something is wrong with them because one minute the dude acts as if he's feeling her, and the next he falls off the face of the earth. This type of behavior makes women angry and hurt. Men fail to realize that women are not as emotional as they think we are when it comes to stuff like this. If a man is up front with a woman, a lot of pain and confusion can be avoided. Personally, I would respect a man more if he were honest about what he wanted vs. leading me on. If you just want a cut buddy, fine. If you just want to be friends, fine. If you want a relationship, fine. If you're not feeling me, that's fine too. Give women the opportunity to choose whether or not she wants to deal with it. Don't just brush her off as if she's nothing and has no feelings. Some men are afraid to tell women the truth... Why? I have no clue, but it's not as bad as men think it is. Women don't kirk out over every little thing. The fact that a man completely dismisses a female is far worse that telling her what you want or expect. Keep it real... Her response might end up being more refreshing than you think.

    I don't think there can be too much communication, but some find it harder to be open than others. I think it has a lot to do with your up-bringing really.
    Communication is like breathing. When breathing stops suffocation is evident. Communication is the catalyst to intimacy. People stop communicating because of various ordeals. One is when a husband or wife feels their feelings are more important then their each others. In other words they have selfishly compromised their willingness to serve the other out of love. All the 🤬 said about speaking through eyes and all are too overrated by movies.i think wen u are in a relationship its really important to COMMUNICATE.the other person is neither gonna get a dream about what u want and what u expect from your partner.Communicate to them what u consider that person is doing wrong or what that person should be doing right.Just sitting quiet and expecting that the other person will get it is an absolute nonsense thing.Communications bridges every gap in a relationship.
  • The BAPHOMET
    The BAPHOMET Members Posts: 3,601 ✭✭✭
    edited December 2010
    No Nuri, but Du I aint got it in me to read all that this morning
  • Taylor Maade
    Taylor Maade Members Posts: 2
    edited December 2010
    lol, well damn.