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Bustdown Part 1

ckfreeckfree Members Posts: 9,659 ✭✭✭✭✭
edited January 2011 in Waiting To Exhale
🤬 what you heard shorty
mama was a hoodrat
daddy was a low life
hope you understand that
mama was just 16
she was still in high school
daddy was a thug getting 🤬 and getting high too
mama had a big ass
daddy wanna hit that
spit a little g
and now daddy gonna get that
daddy should have strapped up
daddy was a damn fool
mama should have held back
now she gonna have you
mama think she grown up now
but little does she know
everybody in the hood think that she a little 🤬
mama getting big now
no longer attractive
daddy gotta split now
no one likes a fat chick
now daddy gone and he probably ain't gonna miss you
first trimester; daddy already out the picture
now mama all alone; she ain't going back to school
mama got a kid now
she gotta look after you

Comments

  • kzzlkzzl Members Posts: 7,548 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2010
    It flowed well, really well. It reads like you wrote this to a song. The rhythm of the words was consistent up to that 5th to last line. It threw me off, for a bit. It might not matter depending on how you plan on expressing it. You might have done that intentionally for all I know.

    But other than that, you went in on bustdown's. Nice story telling you got here. I'm even curious about Part 2.
  • bman536bman536 Members Posts: 15
    edited December 2010
    Yo I'm really feeling that! 🤬 flowed fantastic, got the flow scheme on the first read through. First beat to come to mind was something like Mockingbird by Eminem. Good 🤬 tho
  • ckfreeckfree Members Posts: 9,659 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2010
    kzzl wrote: »
    It flowed well, really well. It reads like you wrote this to a song. The rhythm of the words was consistent up to that 5th to last line. It threw me off, for a bit. It might not matter depending on how you plan on expressing it. You might have done that intentionally for all I know.

    But other than that, you went in on bustdown's. Nice story telling you got here. I'm even curious about Part 2.

    I tried to make it come off as a rhyme because as much as a fan I am of poems; I find them to be boring lol but more so, it just makes story telling easier for me

    and yeah the last few lines does throw it off but I was trying to set the story up for the 2nd part

    5 years passed and you finally growing up now
    mama's friends are 21, they hitting the club now
    mama birthday just passed, now she 21 too
    mama mad she stuck at the crib, she wanna have fun too
    mama getting dressed up , she gonna get her dance on
    mama going with her girls, you staying with grandma
    grandma only 38, she ain't even that old
    grandma know the business, used to be a hoodrat 🤬
    mama ain't the same no more, she hardly ever home
    and when she is, seems like mama always on the phone
    mama wearing make-up, mama wearing tight skirts
    you like the way mama look, you wanna be like her
    mama got a link card, mama using food stamps
    mama go out every week, mama got her groove back
    6 months later and your mama about to have another
    you ain't never had a father, but you about to have a brother
  • ckfreeckfree Members Posts: 9,659 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2010
    bman536 wrote: »
    Yo I'm really feeling that! 🤬 flowed fantastic, got the flow scheme on the first read through. First beat to come to mind was something like Mockingbird by Eminem. Good 🤬 tho

    I was actually listening to Mobb Deep's 'Quiet Storm' instrumental

    I prefer music over silence. Especially in my building. I have too many loud neighbors to drown out not to listen to something lol
  • TupacfanTupacfan Members, Moderators Posts: 2,428 Regulator
    edited December 2010
    I knew it I knew it.. Written to am intrumental LOL..

    good shot over all. Rhyme scheme was on point.. Keep droppin the poetical lyricals..

    Peace!
  • ckfreeckfree Members Posts: 9,659 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2010
    and now you 15 feeling what your mama felt
    mama telling you to wait
    you tell mama go to hell
    you out there worse than she was
    and you just won't learn
    grand ma and mama were 🤬 's
    so now its your turn
    you want them boys to like you
    so you acting crazy
    you only 15 and you about to have a baby
    you think its different
    cause your baby daddy still here
    but he only 17
    just give him a couple years
    he gonna break your heart
    and leave you for another chick
    you gonna get revenge
    by going out and sucking 🤬
    I've seen it all before
    I know how the story goes
    you can tell they gonna end up 🤬 's
    long before they 🤬 's
    somebody said the apple doesn't fall far from the tree
    your family tree is full of 🤬 's
    is what you gonna be
    girl I can see your future
    I hate to spoil it for you
    mama'a a stripper
    chances are you ain't gonna be lawyer
  • ckfreeckfree Members Posts: 9,659 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2010
    Tupacfan wrote: »
    I knew it I knew it.. Written to am intrumental LOL..

    good shot over all. Rhyme scheme was on point.. Keep droppin the poetical lyricals..

    Peace!

    lol

    I find it really hard to write without music, or pretty much do anything without music. Its like I can't concentrate. Most of the 🤬 I listen to either doesn't have any vocals or the lyrics are said so low and inaudible that I can't understand what they are saying. Otherwise my mind begins to wander into what they are saying

    by the way, this song is dope to listen to think up 🤬 . I think it would suit you. Its the song they play near the end of the movie 'Nothing To Lose'
  • TupacfanTupacfan Members, Moderators Posts: 2,428 Regulator
    edited December 2010
    My apologies for all the misspelled words, smh, blame it on my mobile. Always spelling 🤬 that I'm not tryna say.. In other terms auto-correcting..

    I feel it, just listening to instrumentals. I've been on that for a minute too. Writing to straight instruments.

    Imma check for this video u dropped, unfortunately I can't see it cause of my mobility but when I do, I'll drop a few poetical verses :)

    Peace and thank you so much for sharing!
  • ckfreeckfree Members Posts: 9,659 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2010
    Tupacfan wrote: »
    My apologies for all the misspelled words, smh, blame it on my mobile. Always spelling 🤬 that I'm not tryna say.. In other terms auto-correcting..

    I feel it, just listening to instrumentals. I've been on that for a minute too. Writing to straight instruments.

    Imma check for this video u dropped, unfortunately I can't see it cause of my mobility but when I do, I'll drop a few poetical verses :)

    Peace and thank you so much for sharing!

    when texting goes wrong lol smh

    thats cool don't trip. Who cares about the order of the letters so as long as one understands what is being typed

    I tried looking for the instrumental but couldn't find it. Should still be useful though, it's on some melody 🤬
  • love yallove yal Members Posts: 1,327
    edited January 2011
    The music was nice, verses were interesting.
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