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In The Ghetto

DSP4Life
DSP4Life Members Posts: 30
edited July 2010 in Roc Tha Mic
My girl was messin wit fruity loops and that old ass song by Elvis Presley In The Ghetto ... fittin drums to it n stuff ... she wnated me to write a verse to it so here it goes .... wit him singin on the hook i guess ... just playin around ...

Livin in sin, livin where they are used to pain
we know the ghetto, where many kids are introduced to fate
ask em bout jail, they say "choose a case"
"been there more then once, at least there you are safe"
but take a look around, tell us whose to blame ...
Parents always tellin us they "did their best"
settin at home, no job, addicted to crystyal 🤬
swearin' to their children their gettin help
next thing you know, he gets a needle, fits a belt
to his arm, promises this is his last trip of hell
when its over and he gets sober, he lookin like a 🤬
checked his money, spent every cent on da fix, now he hungry
not to mention his kids is sittin wit empty tummies
does he think gummy worms will fill them up?
not too long before they notice where dad spends his bucks
will they give it up? take to his ways? get him a bump?
try to play it "gangsta" n get a gun?
if his lucks is bad, we all know what will happen ..
will his mom and dad be saddened?
when they find out what happened will thier future blacken?
will the mourning grandparents that can't bear it, slap em?
immagin' if it was your kid or nephew, alone wit no food
innocent eyes, so true, thirsty but they aint got no juice ..

Comments

  • Tha Killa
    Tha Killa Members Posts: 4,451 ✭✭✭
    edited April 2010
    DSP4Life wrote: »
    My girl was messin wit fruity loops and that old ass song by Elvis Presley In The Ghetto ... fittin drums to it n stuff ... she wnated me to write a verse to it so here it goes .... wit him singin on the hook i guess ... just playin around ...

    Livin in sin, livin where they are used to pain
    we know the ghetto, where many kids are introduced to fate
    ask em bout jail, they say "choose a case"
    "been there more then once, at least there you are safe"
    but take a look around, tell us whose to blame ...
    Parents always tellin us they "did their best"
    settin at home, no job, addicted to crystyal 🤬
    swearin' to their children their gettin help
    next thing you know, he gets a needle, fits a belt
    to his arm, promises this is his last trip of hell
    when its over and he gets sober, he lookin like a 🤬
    checked his money, spent every cent on da fix, now he hungry
    not to mention his kids is sittin wit empty tummies
    does he think gummy worms will fill them up?
    not too long before they notice where dad spends his bucks
    will they give it up? take to his ways? get him a bump?
    try to play it "gangsta" n get a gun?
    if his lucks is bad, we all know what will happen ..
    will his mom and dad be saddened?
    when they find out what happened will thier future blacken?
    will the mourning grandparents that can't bear it, slap em?
    immagin' if it was your kid or nephew, alone wit no food
    innocent eyes, so true, thirsty but they aint got no juice ..

    I'd have to hear the beat this was written to to better critique the verse, but I think you could have definitely come harder than this. You tried having some nice imagery, and it wasn't half bad, but you didn't have many of the lyrical enhancers that make for good writing. Multi-syllabic rhyme schemes are a writers best friend when one is practicing their craft. Your flow was simple and the delivery was kinda underwhelming but I like the fact you took this kind of subject matter head on. Just the fact you chose to delve deeper than the usual money, clothes and hoes stuff is a sign that you have potential to be ill if you keep at it.



    I look forward to seeing ya next drop man.
  • poetic justice
    poetic justice Members Posts: 88
    edited June 2010
    I liked it. It could be better but I like where you were going with this.
  • konflickdineromob
    konflickdineromob Members Posts: 17
    edited July 2010
    i like the concept it could ov been better but i respect it
  • konflickdineromob
    konflickdineromob Members Posts: 17
    edited July 2010
    Livin in sin, livin where they are used to pain
    we know the ghetto, where many kids are introduced to fate
    ask em bout jail, they say "choose a case"
    "been there more then once, at least there you are safe"
    but take a look around, tell us whose to blame ...
    Parents always tellin us they "did their best"
    settin at home, no job, addicted to crystyal 🤬
    swearin' to their children their gettin help
    next thing you know, he gets a needle, fits a belt
    to his arm, promises this is his last trip of hell
    when its over and he gets sober, he lookin like a 🤬
    checked his money, spent every cent on da fix, now he hungry
    not to mention his kids is sittin wit empty tummies
    does he think gummy worms will fill them up?
    not too long before they notice where dad spends his bucks
    will they give it up? take to his ways? get him a bump?
    try to play it "gangsta" n get a gun?
    if his lucks is bad, we all know what will happen ..
    will his mom and dad be saddened?
    when they find out what happened will thier future blacken?
    will the mourning grandparents that can't bear it, slap em?
    immagin' if it was your kid or nephew, alone wit no food
    innocent eyes, so true, thirsty but they aint got no juice ..[/QUOTE]