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Incredible Hulk Keystyle

DSP4Life
DSP4Life Members Posts: 30
edited June 2010 in Roc Tha Mic
Incredible Hulk flow .. off the dome ... here we go ... what ya think? lemme know ...

DSP aint gettin it, is that a joke?
I gotta I have some smoke, so I gotta tax ya toll
can you get past da troll or sit on the other side on ya ass alone?
or do you got ya back up close? or do you even have a back up plan?
so defensless, his chic could snatch his grands
you loose cash and dont even need to patch ya pants
at a glance, i'd like to have that dance, its free cash
but me some green grass, tell em that they can have the seeds back
all i want is killer bud, and it is a must
cuz if theres no smoke in my chest, it puffs up like the Incredible Hulk
see, DSP ain't one to normally provoke a fight
but that dont mean I wont show up at ya show tonight,
choke ya life when I grab ahold of ya vocal pipe
notice my eyes are always watching everything ...
mess wit me, just bought my trigger a big wedding ring ...
accept I'm king, or at least stop staring at how my necklack blings ....
these shells are clean, but no need for me to fill a clip ..
will leave crackheads half dead, I was just tryin to help him get his fix
can't run him over, wheels so big, when I try, they clear this trick ...
twenty-eight inches, maybe we could jump this whip cliff to cliff ...
nah, this kid keeps it real, so there ain't no mystery
and its no mystery that im sicker than anyone spittin in the industry
steer ya beef to me, you'll see this ain't no cattle drive ...
grab ya iron if ya crackin like its battle time ...
I pack gats that blast as they laugh at nines ...
and if you don't dig this flow, you might not ever be satisfied ...

Comments

  • Tha Killa
    Tha Killa Members Posts: 4,451 ✭✭✭
    edited April 2010
    DSP4Life wrote: »
    Incredible Hulk flow .. off the dome ... here we go ... what ya think? lemme know ...

    DSP aint gettin it, is that a joke?
    I gotta I have some smoke, so I gotta tax ya toll
    can you get past da troll or sit on the other side on ya ass alone?
    or do you got ya back up close? or do you even have a back up plan?
    so defensless, his chic could snatch his grands
    you loose cash and dont even need to patch ya pants
    at a glance, i'd like to have that dance, its free cash
    but me some green grass, tell em that they can have the seeds back
    all i want is killer bud, and it is a must
    cuz if theres no smoke in my chest, it puffs up like the Incredible Hulk
    see, DSP ain't one to normally provoke a fight
    but that dont mean I wont show up at ya show tonight,
    choke ya life when I grab ahold of ya vocal pipe
    notice my eyes are always watching everything ...
    mess wit me, just bought my trigger a big wedding ring ...
    accept I'm king, or at least stop staring at how my necklack blings ....
    these shells are clean, but no need for me to fill a clip ..
    will leave crackheads half dead, I was just tryin to help him get his fix
    can't run him over, wheels so big, when I try, they clear this trick ...
    twenty-eight inches, maybe we could jump this whip cliff to cliff ...
    nah, this kid keeps it real, so there ain't no mystery
    and its no mystery
    that im sicker than anyone spittin in the industry
    steer ya beef to me, you'll see this ain't no cattle drive ...
    grab ya iron if ya crackin like its battle time ...
    I pack gats that blast as they laugh at nines ...

    and if you don't dig this flow, you might not ever be satisfied ...

    The bolded was the highlight of this verse for me. I think this verse would have been HELLA dope if you had taken a lil' more time to let the words hit 'cause some of your punches were unique, but the lead up to them was kinda underwhelming. You have maaaad potential though. Your multis were pretty nice, you just had a few non-sequiturs that didn't make much sense and that kinda threw part of the verse off....



    One thing you NEVER do when trying to enhance a verse with similies, metaphors, multi-syllabic rhymes and punchlines is use the same word twice in quick succession. The bolded underlined is a good example of how an otherwise nice line can be ruined by repetition. You can't afford to be redundant in a verse where you're bragging about being more creative than everyone else around. Kinda contradictory, no?


    I like how you added some depth in this verse, but the braggadocio will only get you so far though. I hope your next drop has a focus to it because I think you'll be pretty deadly as a writer if you keep at it, with more focused/topical verses.....


    I hope the disorganization of this forum didn't scare you away and I'd like to see any improvements you've made since you posted this. Keep at it tho man and you'll be as beastly as this verse suggests, in no time!
  • Keez From That 3130
    Keez From That 3130 Members Posts: 2
    edited May 2010
    See I'm spittin' from the home of the Huskies, Mariners and Seahawks
    Sit you ass down and listen to how this G talks
    Whenever I'm leaving some clowns career damaged
    Whatever it takes to get Elkai a.k.a. 'Keez established...Just something off the top...
  • Tha Killa
    Tha Killa Members Posts: 4,451 ✭✭✭
    edited May 2010
    See I'm spittin' from the home of the Huskies, Mariners and Seahawks
    Sit you ass down and listen to how this G talks
    Whenever I'm leaving some clowns career damaged
    Whatever it takes to get Elkai a.k.a. 'Keez established...Just something off the top...


    Please, give the guy some feed, and make a thread for him/me to give you feed in. One of the cardinal rules in RTM is to give a lil' to get a lil'. I know you were just goin' off top, but take a minute to think out a verse and make a thread. I promise you I'll give my honest feedback on it fam. I've been around since RTM was one of the most thriving forums on this site, and I've seen some of the most incredible writers this site has ever had. I got cha bruh. Haha.
  • Keez Of NFBM
    Keez Of NFBM Members Posts: 28
    edited May 2010
    Some gems which I wrote on my lunchbreak up here in Seattle's "253"..."See I got 🤬 scramblin' like the Broncos Tebow...Whenever my Glocks get fired like Vinny Del 🤬 ..." or "See I'm about to drop the mixtape with the Dip's Hell Rell a.k.a. Ruger...My verses knock all the way from Vancouver to Chattanooga...Put your sixteen up against mine and I'll show you "America's Biggest Loser"..."
  • supaman4321
    supaman4321 Members Posts: 946
    edited May 2010
    pretty good keystyle off the top like a earlier poster said though some of the set up for the punches could've been a bit better solid key though
  • Keez Of NFBM
    Keez Of NFBM Members Posts: 28
    edited May 2010
    Supaman, which "Incredible Hulk" spitter are you speaking about in your post...
  • Tha Killa
    Tha Killa Members Posts: 4,451 ✭✭✭
    edited June 2010
    Supaman, which "Incredible Hulk" spitter are you speaking about in your post...

    This is what happens when you try to show up people's verses with verses of your own, instead of giving them feed like we encourage you to do. He was talking about DSP4Life. Not you.