My son Travis-Tyler and I on an expedition in Peru. Look how fucking confident we both are. Look at my prominent Adam's Apple, and how utterly masculine it is. You see that shirt I'm wearing? Its clay dyed organic hemp. I'm sure you philistines have never heard of such a thing, as I imagine you all still wear polyester blends. I wouldn't have diapered Travis-Tyler in your clothes (not that he wore diapers, he's a Breatharian. What's that you say? You still eat animal carcasses and filthy root vegetables? You're still releasing waste from your bodies like so many undomesticated beasts? Of course you do, you fucking barbarians.) I ordered one of our guides to gather some of that beautiful bamboo you see in the background to take home for my wife's summer Tiki-Party. He tried to say he wasn't allowed, something about the woolley monkey's habitat and how they're severely endangered. His insubordination infuriated me so I "endangered" his livelihood by threatening to see to it that he was terminated from his job upon our return. Turns out after he had loaded the bamboo into my AEV his manager called him over and fired him on the spot anyway. Probably for stealing from upstanding tourists like myself, I'd imagine.